.png)
I took such a long break from dating and sex before meeting my ex. Literally 3 years break. I had ZERO baggage when I met him. And therefore I gave him my WHOLE heart on a silver platter after his earnest pursuit .didn't seem like the worst guy but definitely became the worst version of myself while dating him because he wouldn't wear condoms no matter how much I cried about pregnancy anxiety. That alone makes him trash. That occurred starting the first/second time we had sex, so I could have dumped his ass after knowing him less than a month. But no, I hung on for three months. And he dumped me IN TEXT MESSAGE (I think he had tried to ghost me a few weeks prior but I called him a bunch and he denied it claiming he ran out of international data while on vacation in Asia) three months ago.
It's beyond time to let go. Truth be told I didn't even KNOW this man. And what I did know about him, was repulsive (not wearing condoms cancels out cooking dinners and holding car doors)
But I'm so angry, ALL the time. I'll have periods of rest but back to angry. The only thing that helps is sleeping. I tried exercise too which helps but then back to angry.
It is really unhealthy. I start weekly therapy in a week. I've been spiritual, decluttered, made pro and con lists, paid for a consultation with a dating coach I respect (Susan winter), watched endless videos, gotten a massage.
I understand that the trash took itself out and I'm idealizing him based on only a couple months. My mother says that "I think you were happy to be receiving warmth and affection for the first time in years but over time you would NOT have loved him once you got to know him and seen what life would be like in the relationship". She's right
How do I let go, I hate it, I want my life back. I've even reached the point of boredom. And most of all I understand that my anger is not at him for dumping me (any person has the right to end things at any time for any reason), but at myself and him for disrespecting me via not protecting my sexual health (I clearly CoMmUniCaTeD about condoms endlessly it was like talking to a brick wall). And disrespecting me again by ending things via text message.
I'm just so angry all the time. Please help :(
I'm so sorry he held this no-condom use over you to the point that you were crying with anxiety. That definitely sounds like a traumatic violation. It's going to take time. Please know you aren't alone - I felt the same way with an ex. Very short lived, lots of sexual problems / boundary crossing, crying, anxiety. I hung on when I should have walked away. Find clarity in knowing that the anger is because you know you were wronged, and that now you won't let that happen to you again. All the best.