I've been angry every day for 4 months and have no idea what to do besides get therapy

There's nothing more humiliating and rage-inducing than being dumped and disrespected by a guy who should be grateful you're in his life. Been there. It's hard to look at yourself after that.

Let your rage out.

Go for a drive, roll the windows down and scream the lyrics to your favourite angry songs. Book an axe throwing session. Take a boxing class. Knead dough. Get it out.

Once the rage subsides, you'll get clear on the parts of yourself that tolerated men like this. Then, as time passes, the anger dims. Then this will be a reminder of how far you've come and how much you should celebrate yourself.

I'm so sorry he held this no-condom use over you to the point that you were crying with anxiety. That definitely sounds like a traumatic violation. It's going to take time. Please know you aren't alone - I felt the same way with an ex. Very short lived, lots of sexual problems / boundary crossing, crying, anxiety. I hung on when I should have walked away. Find clarity in knowing that the anger is because you know you were wronged, and that now you won't let that happen to you again. All the best.

Listen, righteous anger is a cleansing force. As women, we have been trained to think incorrectly that our anger is bad. It isn't. Our anger is powerful. Our anger is healing. Our anger validates us, and protects us. Don't be impatient with your anger. She is there to bring attention to the ways in which you were violated by this man. She is there to help you focus and pay attention to the lesson you need to learn. You did the best you could in that situation, with the best version of yourself that you were THEN. But you're a different best version of yourself now, and you would choose differently, because now you have new tools. Anger has given you those tools--clarity, and self-awareness, and truth. We've all been there. Anger is your friend. She just wants you to really internalize this lesson, so that you will never deal with this sort of indignity and violation again. She is here, because right now you need her. Let her sit with you, let her show you things. She will leave when she is no longer needed.

I’ve been in a similar situation, which likewise left me with a lot of different feelings for a long time. They would rise and subside constantly, I would start to miss him, doubt myself, but then I would realize new aspects of how he hurt me and disrespected me, after which I would get angry and upset… Over and over again. Months later, he reached out to me, wanting to meet up and talk, I agreed (this was pre-FDS). He brought flowers and gifts, and said that he wants a second chance. Then, he drops this bomb on me – before, when we were seeing each other, he had lied to me about being single and back then was still “trying to work things out” with his long-term girlfriend. That’s why he had been so “unavailable to me”, but now they’re over for real, for real, he tells me. It felt like a punch to my solar plexus. My attachment to him broke finally and irreversibly. I had given all this time and emotion to a man, who first used me as his side piece (which I would never agree to, if I knew) and then decided I’m actually “good enough” to be “upgraded”. Or maybe his gf just dumped him for good. Idk, and I didn’t care, I had reached my limit. No more. Your ex scrote is likely doing something similar and equally low value, you just don’t know the extent of his insecurity and co-dependency. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s playing several women to constantly feed his ego, leaving all of them feeling used, confused, and derailed. These kinds of men are literal demons, who just suck women dry and move on to the next. You can see the emptiness and greed in their eyes. Obviously, I’m not saying anything new here 😄, but I want to reassure you that you are having a totally normal reaction, you are going through all the typical stages, and in the end – this too shall pass 🤝

Good! Your anger is beautiful and completely justified! It means you are normal and reacting in a logical way to being treated like crap! Feel it fully! Get even angrier! You don't need someone to come and fix you because you're functioning healthily! This shitty guy is the one who needs to be fixed.

I understand what you're saying about blaming yourself, but you are wrong. Place the anger directly and fully on him, which is exactly where it belongs. He is the bad guy, not you.

I struggled to do this with my rapist because a little voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that surely he wasn't a monster, surely he didn't hate me, surely I must have meant something to him.

He deserves the anger and blame, not you. It took me years to accept that it was my rapist's fault for raping me.

I think working out is better than any therapy, too. Neuro-chemicals and endorphins are real. Your anger is an energy. Take it to the gym and get ripped!

Try boxing or martial arts? (punching a bag can be very therapeutic).

There's always the "write a rage letter of everything you'd like to say to him and then burn it" ritual.

Try focusing on things you enjoy doing. Get obsessed with something fun.

Decenter men as much as you can. Most if not all are very selfish and will fuck you over just as this guy did. Don't expect them to ever be loyal and don't count on them for anything. even the kindest seeming guy. This applies to ALL men. Before spending loads of $ on therapy, do you have a life coach, and what about a proper CPA? By spending money on therapy and a dating coach, in a way he's still winning by taking your hard earned money. Are there other ways you can level up unrelated to dating? I date and am involved with men because Im attracted to them for some stupid biological reason, and like their pheromones. But I have detached a lot from my pick-me past. I no longer try to force anything and when their mask slips and they turn crappy I peace out. This community has helped me a lot with that. I think it would be beneficial to list out weekly all the ways we will actively decenter men, and prioritize ourselves that week (especially if we're dating). Because we've all been so brainwashed to cater to their careers, hobbies, wishes... Blah blah blah. Everything at our detriment.

You're angry at a guy you dated for 3 months?? You're probably angry at yourself for having betrayed your own boundaries to try and appeal to a man WHO YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE KNOWN VERY WELL.

The short and painful relationships always hurt because of the self betrayal. You talked yourself into a fantasy, and trampled over your own boundaries in an effort to people-please a stranger who did NOTHING to prove himself trustworthy.

Your rage will not go away until you learn from your codependency and develop self trust to not behave in the same manner again. It's got nothing to do w your ex and everything to do with YOUR boundaries

what are you angry over?

What kind of meditation have you tried?

I am not used to feeling angry and have been shocked by all my anger since my break up too. But it’s better than being sad and crying and texting him begging to get back together. Yeah you don’t want to be angry and it’s awful but at least you aren’t missing him and begging for him back. I know that seems absurd but break ups suck and people react differently.