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I can sum my attitude towards men up as essentially the same attitude they have towards women, I see them primarily as objects. (To get what I want by using them and to have fun with) This whole view of men started around when I was eighteen but really began earlier when I was trained by my dad's abusive behavior to understand that if you act sweet, etc you can get what you want but still hate the person inside.
Nowadays, I'm just really crass towards men and honestly, a bit inappropriate too. I've had some unguarded moments that I've lived to regret so much... I'm not sure what to do. It's hard not to laugh at men and hate them and say things I shouldn't. (I'm 22) I just really want to start building the woman that I want to be, but my actions and words get in the way of that.
Help?
Ice queen? You don't need to. And you don't even need to "learn" to be inappropriate with men either. Simply remove yourself from their presence. Do not participate in their crass behavior because this means to them that you approve of it. This way, you do not endanger yourself by being in their presence. Like at a bar, for example. Removing yourself from a bad situation is on you. Men like that are everywhere. Make it clear you do not tolerate disrespect. And the best part is that you don't even have to talk to them about it. Or make them "understand".
The High 5 Habit was a great book for self love. The Four Agreements was another instrumental book in my growth. Both of these elevated me to help me heal my trauma. I did take many steps, but those have been best.
So... If you see men and women as objects why don't you do some work on deconstructing why you see women as objects and focus on making girlfriends? Friendships and relationships have 2 things in common: they both need to be mutually beneficial and come from a place of generosity. Start w lower stakes. Start w making some girlfriends
Watch "The Devil Wears Prada". Let Miranda Priestly teach you the ways of the Ice Queen.
Haha! For me I took two straight years off of dating. Including abstinence. It really helped melt my angry bitter heart and now I feel fine, like I did when I was 13. It's a great reset and honestly you're so young, maybe you did what I did which is date from your teenage years through your early twenties. I realized I had never just taken the time to relax like I did when I was 13, when I was going to school, hanging out with my friends, doing sports and generally not thinking about guys even for one second. Let your prefrontal cortex finish developing (age 25) , focus on your hobbies and eventually you won't be so bitter anymore. As for being appropriate, I found the books all the rules and not your mother's rules to really really help. It is a very rigid set of guidelines but it did help me with my initiating habits and my oversharing habits