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He already gave me the closure I needed. He apologized for being a terrible person, for the pain he caused, and said I deserved better.
Any advice? I did finally block and delete him today but now I feel lost and empty. I have work and school and other responsibilities to keep me busy but I find my mind wandering back to the good parts of the relationship and not the bad parts (cheating on his end, pornsick behavior). I'm not thinking clearly.
Every time your mind wanders to the good things, quickly remind yourself of the bad things, which clearly outweighed the former. Retrain your brain this way and you'll get over it with time. It won't necessarily be quick, so be patient, take your time. And read lots of the forums here to remind yourself that you made the right choice.
"He already gave me the closure I needed. He apologized for being a terrible person, for the pain he caused, and said I deserved better."
Is this really what you needed? Did it make things better?
It doesn't matter what he said. He said what he thought would make you feel better, or ease his guilt, or get you off his back.
A cheating, pornsick scrote. Who cares what he has to say?
We are safer not listening to them. Once they are exposed as scrotes, we must block and delete. "Closure" is a myth and often keeps us clinging to hope. I would imagine you think he's learned the error of his ways? Regrets very much how he mistreated you? Doubtful. Cheaters get off on deception. He probably jacks off to memories of sneaking around behind your back. Sorry if that comes across harsh, but please understand that scrotes are depraved.
Never try to "untangle the skein of fuckedupedness"-TM ChumpLady.
Onward and upward.
It can be hard when something that was a big part of your life (like a relationship) isn’t there anymore. It doesn't just happen with relationships, either: loss of a job or retiring, leaving a religion/church, having a person you were a caretaker for die, loss of a pet or a friendship. These are all examples of getting comfortable with something that leaves a gap when it’s gone. the key is to fill the void with other things. Friendships, spa days, day trips, a new hobby. Anything. And you will eventually find things to replace that space in your life with, even though it doesn't feel that way right now.
He doesn’t deserve a response. He wants to be exempt from the hurt made you feel.
It would be atonement and I don’t think he deserves it. His apology is to make himself feel better. It's self serving. The apology is not at all because he cares about your feelings or hurt. I think you should allow yourself to feel what you feel and validate your hurt. If it's possible to see a therapist please do so. Breakups feel like someone died. However, I would recommend doing things to make progress in your life despite the way you feel. Start a workout routine, meal prep, learn a new skill, focus on school and work. Be gentle with yourself and take little breaks here and there. Run yourself a nice bath, read, get enough sleep. Have a self care routine. Do your hair and dress well. Experiment with makeup tutorials. Plan a trip or weekend trips with friends and family that fit your budget. You will continue to grieve and feel depressed about the situation for a little while because that's a natural human response to a breakup. But you will still be making progress with your life and in time you will be happier than when you were with this scrote. If the emotions feel crippling right now give yourself two days to stay in bed grieve, eat ice-cream, watch movies, cry, talk on the phone to friends and family. But only two days. After that you need to start fresh with a new routine and work on your health and goals.
“Rosy retrospection” is the search term. The brain forgets how bad sometimes in favor of recalling the good. Keep him blocked and deleted no matter what. Hugs!
Grieving a loss of attachment and other good things is normal. I feel I keep iterating this on "how do I get over a breakup" posts: there is no magic trick. The common sense advice is unsatisfying, sure, but it's really all there is to it. Depending on what kind of person you are you can try different things to vent and process your emotions, you have to take your own lead there. Other than that, it just takes time for the brain to adjust. Don't be surprised that "closure" didn't help you move on instantly. It never does.
It takes time and sticking to no contact. Don't unblock, don't peek at his socials, don't seek him out in any way. Focus on you and pour all your energy into yourself.
You're going to feel like shit for a while. Accept it, embrace it, and don't judge your misery. Don't judge yourself because you can't take pleasure in little things right now. This part of the process is normal.
Once the poison is out of your life, you will be amazed how fast you heal. You will be amazed how much your head clears and how one day you'll realize this guy sucked and his very memory disgusts you. Eventually you'll reach indifference.
But for all this to work, you have to stay no contact and accept you'll be miserable for a while. Don't judge yourself for it.