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I'm at a point in life where almost everyone in my social circles is female. All of my close friends are female and many don't even live in the same local area as me (so yes, even if I asked around for set ups, it's not like I know many people who can do that for me). My workplace is predominantly female (not that I want to date a coworker but it goes to show how almost everyone in my social circles nowadays is female).
I sometimes think my chances of meeting HVM are zero these days. It's true that I can pay to join hobby classes and matchmaking events to meet men but I really don't want to pay to meet men. There are no group activities I want to join at this point. I'm an introvert and my idea of a nice day-off is chilling at home.
There are free ways to meet men such as OLD. I had played around with OLD before. A lot of profiles were terrible or had red flags. Many men who appeared decent also never messaged me first or replied to my messages. I don't know how to say this, but I feel like there is stranger danger when using OLD. I work on weekends so I feel like I am too tired to volunteer to meet men.
I think the only chances of me meeting men is via random one-off encounters. I've heard of stories of how people met their SOs after a brief encounter at a wedding, restaurant, park, bookstore, concert, museum, or lecture. I've never met a guy via this method so I don't know how it works though (and yes, there's also stranger danger). I can't help but feel like it will only "work" if 1) the guy is a pickup artist, 2) the guy is in a situation where almost everyone in his social circles is male so he is eager to get to know women he met in one-off encounters, or 3) you are hot enough to be seen as a trophy wife.
Should I take more initiative in meeting men or just let things be?
If you're not leaving the house except for work then you won't meet anyone, the basics of making interactions with other people. So if you do want a relationship you will have to put effort into it. If a guy was posting they want to find someone without making an effort. It would not be received very well.
I know very few people that have been in a long term relationship after meeting on a dating app but lots of women that have horrible stories from using them.
Once you work on developing your life you'll meet someone that fits nicely into it. Otherwise you'll be at risk of searching for a generic man then molding yourself to his life.
Do not use dating apps. Dating apps benefit from you, a woman, staying on the app and will not help you find a relationship.
Write out a list of qualities that you want in a partner. Then, figure out where that type of person would hang out, what kind of hobbies they would have. You're not trying to meet every man in the world and getting them to like you. You're looking for a specific partner who is compatible to you.
Dating apps aren't recommended. Have you considered trying a hobby site or friendship site? I used a language exchange site a few years ago and ended up having some nice dates, as well as making a few female friends. The guys I met weren't just cruising for sex. They actually wanted to learn about me and share experiences. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time but the pool of men seemed decent. Mind you this was all 5+ years ago, so the landscape may have changed.
I see someone posting this question every once in a while. I don't have a good answer, but I'm going to disagree with the people who suggest meeting men in spaces (real or virtual) that you actually enjoy inhabiting.
Don't shit where you sleep is my simple reasoning.
Do you actually enjoy going to a certain cafe, participating in a certain club, or volunteering for a certain organization? Forget going there again (or be ready for some serious social/emotional battles) if things go badly with a scrote who also likes doing these things in the same locations. A malicious scrote can even manipulate other people in these places to exclude or fight you.
I suggest meeting men in places you don't frequent. If things go to shit, it's no loss to you.
I know how you feel. I'm an introvert as well and living in a foreign country where the majority of people are introverted too so saying it's been hard would've been an understatement 😭. What has worked for me, though, was meeting people in language classes! Haven't met my HVM yet, but it sure did open an opportunity to meet some awesome people (mostly women) who are in the same situation as me or have similar interests~ 🤗.
Do not use OLD, maybe it worked for people a couple of years ago, but nowadays it's such a scam. Meetups are honestly a hit or miss for me - I've been on some awesome ones where I met some great people and made friends, and some really shitty ones, filled with scrotes 🤢. I guess it depends on the theme and organizer? Always vet them!
Oh, and volunteering is also another great opportunity to find like-minded people and open your social circle! Have you tried it? Wishing you the best~ ☺️
OP, expand your horizons in working to level up. Pick up a free class, a new group to meet up with, etc. Find something that interests you and gets you out and about a little more. You will be exposed to more people and more social situations and you are also investing in your own self to pursue something you like. It's a win win. And if you don't meet anyone, hey... you still win because you are developing your own self and interests.
We should never be so complacent with ourselves that we are not coninuously climbing. Leveling up should be a constant and consistent process.
You can also just try to be out a little more. If a hiking group or something isn't your thing, go spend a couple hours at a coffee shop or library reading a good book or planning out your month. Take a couple hours to yourself at a museum. Just be out a little more and see what happens.
And you are exactly right... there is a LOT of stranger danger on apps.... so funny I was just talking about this with an FDS member this morning! These guys are total and complete and strangers... never forget that.
Don't hook into scarcity mindset... as in "There are no good men. It's too difficult for me." If you want to see some changes in who you are meeting and expand your options, you'll have to do a little bit of legwork, but I think even small adjustments can help. Or just hope a guy meets you at the grocery store. It is up to you, either way. But to me, it sounds like you are actually ready for some growth.
I'm in a similar boat, but I WFH and don't even go into an office.
Im starting to think that the HVM are only in movies, When I look at the garbage that hit on me I feel like adopting another cat and make kitty tiktoks. Right now the men hate women even more because a game with perfect looking men made heaps of money.
Same. Whenever I join a thing all .en are taken anyway.