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Two years ago in my pickme days I (30F) met a man (41M) on Tinder. He immediately came out as clinically depressed and hence wanted to take it slow. I agreed because his honesty impressed me and after history of narcissistic scrotes he was actually kind to me. I saw his medication and therapy plan, as well as his depressive episodes, so I had no doubts.
For 2 years we have been doing everything he wanted. We only met once due to his “depression” but it was intense and I was a pickme. I fell in love with him. What ensued were TWO FUCKING YEARS of an emotional rollercoaster. Via TEXTS. Sexting and me sending explicit pictures. Feel free to roast my clown ass.
he was ghosting me after seeing that I was going mad worrying when I have not heard from him as agreed (sui-cide risk)
I got mad and stopped talking to him because major disrespect
he apologized and lovebombed me (can a narcissist be depressed? research says not likely)
I forgave him
this cycle continued for two unbelievable years
It gets worse though. The ghosting part was an easy one. He would also call me names in his anger outbursts, make fun if me and patronize me, he called me a slut once for disclosing my recent HPV diagnosis, and much more. The context was that I wasn’t diagnosed in my exam before him, and the pap smear came back HPV-positive months after him where I haven’t been with anyone else. He accused me of giving him cancer and I had to explain to him a million times that he does not have a cervix and that he was the one giving me the virus. What came next was the classic me ending it swearing I’ll never speak to him again and him coming forward with a heartfelt apology weeks later. Oh and his excuse upon excuse as to why we can’t meet again. And I can’t believe that after all of this I was still sending him nudes everytime he had the audacity to ask and play his free therapist in the middle of the night. I wonder which of my past traumas made me into this kind of a doormat or whether it was all of them combined or whether it’s my abusive father’s influence.
My recent fit was when he went stone cold after telling me how he misses me and how much I mean to him. Weeks after he tells me I mean nothing to him. When confronted about this inconsistency he said “I was in a good mood back then or something Idk”. He future-fished me with taking a trip together because he knows I have never taken one with a guy and that it’s kind of my dream to do that. A nice hotel and everything, great food, spa. Of course that never happened.
Reading this after myself, it 100% sounds like narcissistic abuse. But this man obviously hates himself as I have witnessed many times and he’s also been open about losing his job recently, etc. (he’s an airline captain and his employer had to let staff go in the pandemic) and narcissists usually don’t disclose their personal failures. Just to explain why I couldn’t believe he’s abusing me for so long. Also he managed to gaslight me everytime I called out his behavior telling me that I don’t understand his disease. He also likes super violent porn and a far right party (for Germans here, the AfD). He told me about how he bought a house for his ex and gave her money after they broke up but wouldn’t do that for me because it was a mistake. I made it my personal quest to investigate why I don’t deserve as much love as his ex did. All in all, a NVM and a crazed pickme situation.
I love him because he was kind to me for the first 6 or so months 🤡🤡🤡
Yesterday I finally blocked and deleted. Please tell me anything, I need help. Thank you ❤️