.png)
I have no intention of going back to my ex, not even in the next lifetime. But in two weeks it’s going to be the one year anniversary of the worst day I’ve ever had in my life. Although I’ve learned *soo* much and finally feel like I’m finally developing a sense of self without a man, I keep feeling this dread about the upcoming date. It’s like it’s just bringing back a wave of really heavy feelings that go beyond my rationale. Not “I want him back” feelings but like “holy FUCK that shit really hurted” feelings. It almost feels like I’m grieving for the loss of the old me. If you have any books, resources, or advice, I’d really appreciate it! It’s a hard time for me and I legit just want the date to pass so bad. Thanks.
edits: for clarity
I would suggest to stop giving so much power to that date. It’s ultimately your choice to decide how you view that day. It can be your personal D-Day or maybe the day you started your journey to developing self-worth and cutting ties with a toxic man. Heck, it can be both! Consider reframing your perspective on the matter. I learnt to view my D-Day as a reality check and a life saver. What I cannot stress enough, however, is that “distractions” don’t work. Distractions just intensify a feeling. Learn to sit with the emotion and process it. Don’t distract yourself, instead learn to accept what has happened in order to be able to process it productively. Look up acceptance and commitment therapy, it’s a great way to learn to manage trauma or general distress.
I think the opposite, don't make it a special day, soon, this will be any other day. What really helped me cope out of a toxic relationship is to go to some counseling sessions do decompress. I know they can be expensive, but that can help gain perspective and really set yourself up for the future
I was gonna say the same thing. See a concert. Spend the day with friends. Ok a fancy dinner. So things that distract you. If the thinking is beyond your rationale, talk with someone you trust to set you straight. Or journal. I journal because then I take the thoughts that I don’t know if they’re messed up or not, then analyze them, and see what I REALLY think, breaking the emotional connection (even if just for a tiny bit).
Hmmm.. Do you have him blocked everywhere? If not, do exactly that. Also: get distracted. Book yourself a massage, go to the spa.. Spoil yourself and/or meet up with friends for a nice lunch or diner
You don't need any books or resources. You just need to grieve. That's okay. One of the most powerful things my therapist ever said to me was that it's okay to be sad. What you're dealing with is sad. I felt an immediate release having been given permission to just feel sad. I give you the same permission right now.
It's like I could have written this post (except the two-year anniversary of my "worst day" is about 4 months away). Not sure how similar your situation is to mine, but I have a couple suggestions that help me that you could try out.
Journaling: I know that you probably want to avoid thinking about everything, but sometimes trying to avoid it just makes it stronger because you haven't worked through it. Maybe even write a letter to your ex that you don't send, just burn it or throw it away. For me, facing all my thoughts and feelings head-on, no matter how uncomfortable they are, is the key to letting them move through and leave me.
It sounds corny, but I also have some positive affirmations that I say while looking at myself in the mirror, maybe this could help you too.
Avoid things that remind you of him when you are feeling especially vulnerable. When you are in a better headspace, you can gradually re-introduce things that you want to have in your life despite them reminding you of him. Eventually they will be so commonplace that they won't remind you of him, or even if they do, it will be quick and fleeting rather than a trigger to go to a dark place.
Treat yourself to something you don't usually do, like a nice restaurant, massage, etc.
Good luck!
Do you have a pet, a cat or dog? The unconditional love and affection of a pet can be really healing
https://youtu.be/3giiEwxfWEU Journal and write below the following 3 letters: (don’t send them) First letter - To your ex - [ ] I’m angry at you because - [ ] I’m sad because - [ ] I forgive you because - [ ] I’m grateful because - [ ] I wish you well Second letter - to yourself - [ ] A letter to myself about what I learned from my experiences etc Third letter - if you are not ready, don’t write one. - [ ] My future husband/partner (if you want one). My promise to you is ..
I’d say make it a special day instead. Make a new memory. Organise something to do that changes your association with it being negative. Something you would do to celebrate and you enjoy to do. Go out with your friends, take yourself on a date, get your nails done, treat yourself to something etc. Celebrate you queen x