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I moved and joined a social group gym last year. I am very into fitness. As the new woman, some guys were checking me out, but one guy in particular would constantly stare at me. I thought he seemed genuine/normal and I was intrigued. We chatted a few times, but he never asked for my number or anything. He continued to stare at me and seemed captivated. He made excusez to ask my questions. We even attended the same social event, and I made excuses why he didn't ask me out (I know, I know).
He is loud and social with everyone, but shy and reserved around me. Fast forward last month, and I learned he has dated multiple women in our gym prior to my arrival. So not so shy with women afterall. I decided to go on about my business at the gym and not pay attention to him. I could still feel him looking at me.
I happened to become friendly with his guy friends (they approach me) and he watches as we chat/laugh from a distance. The other day, we walked past each other and he was looking at me, so i said "hi" as we know each other. And he stayed silent while looking right at me. It was creepy. Right after, he loudly greeted someone else. Now when we cross paths, he jerks his head away from my direction in an obvious manner..as he doesn't want to see me. Yet I can feel him looking at me when we are across the room.
It's the most bizarre thing. Idk how we got here. Idk why he seems to despise me. I keep doubting myself and whether I did something wrong, or creeped him out with my crush. He is quite popular and seeing him smile with everyone but treat Me like I am the devil is weird. I just want to be cordial bc I hate the bad energy in what is supposed to be a positive environment.
If only I listened to FDS advice last year and not fall for the "shy guy" excuse. A real man goes after what he wants. Instead I got a crush on someone who wanted nothing more to gawk and objectify me.
Any tips on how to navigate the tension? I am locked into a contract and like my trainers, so quitting is not an option.
That’s not shyness, that’s passive aggression. Dude was hoping you’d ask him out. Bet the other gym women did.
Among the many, many sins this rotten culture has perpetrated on women, the marketing of shyness as an endearing or a character trait is one of them. And I use "marketing" intentionally, because it was pushed hard by all sorts of Hollywood fiction, tv and movies, by producers who knew very well that it was the "shy", unsocialized losers who consumed their product the most instead of going outside and tried hard to appeal to them.
Shyness is a character flaw and if you haven't worked on it by the time you're an adult you're a manchild, idgaf. "I'm a bit shy", what are you, a bit of a middle schooler? Your low self esteem is not endearing, is not attractive but most of all is a sign you bought into all sorts of infantilizing crap and decided to remain stunted because it's easy and culturally accepted instead of looking inwards and doing the work of self-growth.
There was a guy exactly like this in my gym last year, right down to the 'blank, dead-eyed stare' and that's EXACTLY what he was doing - trying to get me to chase. Needless to say it didn't work, playing peek-a-boo with adult men is not my jam and I severely dislike being ignored when I greet someone.
If you think about it though, it's really quite impressive - these men have now honed their hot-cold, pushey-pulley, headwrecking bullshit routines to the extent that said routines have the desired effect without them ever having to exchange a meaningful word. 🤦🏻♀️
Can't really help with how to deal because I ended up leaving that gym and going elsewhere for other reasons. However, I think remaining profoundly unbothered in his presence could be the key.
It really doesn't matter. I'm being entirely serious here. He's shown that he's unstable and not a good partner material if he's going to behave like this with you while being differently with everyone else. You deserve to feel wanted and respected in a healthy way, and this guy just ain't it. Avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist.
Why let men live rent free in your head? If his behavior is weird or unclear, that's his problem, not yours, don't waste your precious time and brain cells to figure why/what/how, pass him on and don't even bother.
Sounds weird. Is he used to acting this way with women and getting them to play the pick me dance, maybe?
Or maybe you've "offended" him in some way. If you have, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Men are easily offended by women's existence.
I'm not sure there is any way of navigating it without moving gyms, unless you confront him about the staring.
That's negging. He's treating everyone cordially BUT YOU so you'll try to get his attention back. It's the oldest wounded male ego move in history. He was interested in you in the first place, you didn't make it easy enough for him, he now resents you. LVM 101. I've had a dude in highschool try to date me and when it didn't pan out, he bullied me for the next FIVE years. These men nurse their grudges. It's so pathetic.
He wants to be chased -> red flag
Do not let a single man take up space in your mind rent-free. They don't deserve it and it sounds like this dude doesn't either.
I'm in a bit of a similar situation, I know a guy from a hobby who's always staring at me, but has never made a move. We talked three times, the last time I initiated (it was a group convo). I didn't really consider him seriously until he started staring at me, which is when my "liking" turned into "crushing". The attention we receive + the anticipation for what might come gets our brains hooked. Knowing that about ourselves can help us stay detached. It's not real until they make it real. I'm currently at: ty for making me feel desirable, but you're still just a guy, a passive one at that. They're just a guy until they prove themselves to be more.
For your case specifically, he's already proven he'll never be more than just a guy to you with his man-child behavior. Learn to live with the discomfort of people not liking you for their stupid reasons. Grey rock. Stay unbothered.
lol, he’s not shy. He’s a mad little baby that’s too chicken shit to present his feelings in a way that isn’t passive aggressive. You’ve bruised his ego because you’re not lapping up after him. Treat him like he doesn’t exist and focus on yourself. And beware if he suddenly starts paying you attention or being overtly “nice”.
Why do you give a damn what the gym bicycle does? He rides every girl who will let him. Why would you want to become yet another conquest of his, because that's what he's doing? Trying to break you down at first by kindness and now by MANipulation and meanness. This is to make you prove to him that you're nice by giving him sex. Sex and domination are ALL that men care about. Go to YouTube and find "The High Powered Podcast" with Princella Clark and learn what men are really about. Then focus on yourself and don't give one f*ck about this loser.
I am dealing with this same situation.
Guy hates me for some reason but is super outgoing with everyone else. He used to stare at me but now makes a point of not looking at me.
What a fucking creepy loser. Why even let this community dick who sounds manipulative even take up space in your mind??