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I saw someone write a comment somewhere that they don't want to wear colorful clothing when going out because it draws unwanted attention from men. And that's perfectly fine if she wants to do that, but as a forum don't we also say that it's not our fault if men want to sexually harass/assault/rape us based on how we dress?
This is an honest question but I hate asking it. How is it that it's not our fault for what we wear, yet we turn around and say that we try to dress down or less attractive when we're afraid of unwanted attention from men?
While it’s not our fault that men harass us, a lot of women understand that a lot of men are unhinged and can and will harass us. So many women will deliberately tone their dressing down so that men leave them alone. Is it fair? No, but that’s men for you.
Sometimes you have to weigh being right (=aka "I have a right to wear whatever I want in public without getting harrassed") against being safe, because unfortunately the world is what it is.
It's the usual dilemma. Of course it's not right that I can't go jogging through the park alone at night or wear bright or revealing clothes without putting myself into danger. But as long as men and society don't change my safety is more important to me than proving a point.
Its true that they harrass whoever they want and it really doesnt depends on clothes but when you dress less colorful and boring its possibly less likely that they notice you. Its not gonna protect you but it might lower the chances.
Hi again. I understand your concerns. I guess I asked it because I don't know what to do with so many of the clothes I have that I love, but are so attractive compared to what the average person wears. I don't even regard the clothing as immodest, but I wish I didn't have to put my hand over so many the necklines when I bend over. The necklines are ok when I stand upright but think these companies make necklines more like teasers where they almost reveal everything but not quite. Sigh.
Because ultimately a human man is not a robot under your control. He controls his actions, not you, not anything you do.
I understand your concern so well. I have a combination of different types of clothes of different colours. So I plan according to where I am going, who I am going with and what time I am going and will return home.
It kinda sucks that we have to plan so much for simple outings, but I would rather plan towards being able to have a good time, than unintentionally supporting a situation that does not favour me
Truthfully, the art is dressing like you yourself have standards. That we are actively choosing less revealing clothes (it's hard work to do so, btw!), putting in the work to find actual maxi-dresses that don't have cut-outs all over our midriff, see examples provided by other Queens in this thread, etc. It isn't about not being colorful, etc, but about projecting that image that our standards are nonnegotiable.
Now, a lot of men won't pick this up; however, a greater number will or just pick it up subconsciously and likely rant to himself/anyone who will listen about that woman's style of dress bc she wasn't catering to him (oh my pick-me day experiences). Even lvm I should never have entertained would notice and comment that I 'have a great body' (ick) but always dress modestly without [low-cut necklines and not revealing any skin there].
I can't say if they behaved better toward me than others as I distanced myself pretty quickly, but they noticed. We know we can't control men, or anyone, but we can control the messages they receive about us.
You will still be targeted and you will not reduce your chances of attracting lvm scrotes. Many may even flock to you, i.e. as a 'challenge.' The message is still important.