.png)
Hello sisters, I went on a date with a guy I met on Hinge. He is seriously so sweet and respectful, he invited me to a really great date idea and we had lunch and some snacks later in the day. He paid for everything and was very respectful. However, in his pictures, he did not have a beard ring. So I was a little surprised when I met him and voilá he has one, and something of an unkept beard. I've complained about beards in here before; I just don't like them. In his profile pics he looks a bit chubbier (he was fit when I met him for our date) so I am guessing those are old pics. Only one of the pics is his beard unkempt which I didn't think much of. Anyway, he invited me to another good date idea but I don't know if it's something I should bring up eventually? I will say beards really turn me off, but he is sweet and very cute otherwise. But I'd obviously hate if a man came up to me and said 'you're perfect except for this physical trait so get rid of it'.
I really don't want to be the kind of person that says to someone they barely know 'Hey I don't like this physical aspect about yourself' but nnnnnnnng. Help? What would you do in my place? UPDATE: As soon as he arrived I realized I had made a mistake. I have 0 physical attraction to him. He also let me pay for the movie tickets - yes he paid the fun activity we did on the date before, but he invited me and chose the movie himself. He did say he could send me (his ticket's) money and I said no (lol). Honestly I was regretting everything and didn't want him to think he invested and give him an excuse to persue me. I am HORRIBLE at rejecting people- I always start ghosting for hours, days, with lots of excuses, until they finally give up. Any advice on how to work on the matching only with men I find myself attracted to and learning how to reject men would be appreciated. BTW. A BEARD RING IS LITERALLY A BEARD RING. NOT A BEARD STYLE LOL. Here is a pic: Someone said Lord of the rings style but honestly that and this pic don't make it justice because it wasn't even that well kept :\
Beards are full of bacteria, including fecal bacteria. If his beard looks unkempt, then it is certainly dirty. Do you want this bacteria in your mouth, getting into your gut and messing up your biome? Or in your other orifices? Dirty habits of men cause health issues for women. Be honest with him and tell him that you just can't do beards. If you want to soften the blow, say that you get hives when you kiss a man with a beard. If he really likes you, he will shave it off. If he balks, there's your answer.
If you like him a lot, go on a second date. The beard will eventually fade into insignificance or become more prominent depending on what your gut is telling with you. Then decide.
Physical attraction is very important, don’t feel shallow for thinking that. I dated a man I found physically unattractive for nearly a year because he was so lovely but in the end his appearance didn’t fade into insignificance, so I had to end it.
If he likes you enough he’s gonna get rid of it lol
Just ask him about the beard and be honest and tell him you were quite surprised about his beard. Tell him he looks better without the beard lol
Don’t ignore your standards and what you are and are not attracted to bEcaUsE hE’s NicE. There are plenty of nice people in the world. He can still be a delightful and pleasant person and not be the person you choose as your mate.
I’m glad there are good qualities you see in him. Maybe those qualities will outshine his facial hair. Or maybe they won’t. But no matter what, do not compromise your standards or ignore your gut feelings while feeling out a potential relationship.
FDS taught me something important: We don’t date potential! You need to look at him as the man he is now and decide if that works for you. Just as he is, not as you see he could be. For example, Do not tell yourself “he could be X if he changes Y” “He could achieve…” “He has nothing now but he might make more money in the future” “He COULD shave his ugly beard ring that he had already chose to put on his face” no no no, don’t fall into the trap of imagining what could be different. Face how you really feel about his face as it is now.
Best of luck and trust your gut sister 💕
What's a beard ring?
beards and beard rings = 🤮
You and I are on the same page with this one.
And showing up to a date looking different from his OLD pictures? That sounds like mild catfishing to me. At the very least, it demonstrates carelessness towards his dating life and possibly toward any woman he dates. I don't think it benefits us to date a man who does not take dating seriously.
It's up to you what you do. I suggest not moving forward with this man, as his carelessness and lack of intentionality will reveal itself in other ways, but it sounds like you might need to go on one more date with him to be sure (for yourself). On the date, you could say something about disliking beards, and if he gives even a hint of resistance, then you will know to move on.
The thing about beards is they can shave them. I use to like beards but now that I’ve heard they’re unsanitary, I’m no longer a huge fan. You may have to go on a second date and then make the call tbh. It’s hard to say what I’d do this situation.
Ok this is a really good question….. sorry I can’t answer it….. I had similar experiences. except with this guy, it was certain tattoos.
The most beard I can stand is a well kept goatee, and even that is pushing it for me. I hate beards and mustaches. Mustaches remind me of my evil father who wore one, and beards are just gross. Males already have hygiene problems even with wiping their arses, so why introduce another hairy situation into the mix?