I feel like Im ruining my relationship.

This whole post is exactly like those that you find on reddit of women complaining about their scrote partners!! So I was surprised a post like this is on FDS! Your partner is full of red flags, also you should NEVER go 50/50 with a man!! Read the FDS hand book 👇👇👇 https://archive.org/details/fds-handbook-v-1.35/page/15/mode/1up?view=theater

It will teach you what red flags to look out for in men so that you won't waste your time, and drop the scrote at the FIRST red flag.

Also go to SayNad, she has great posts breaking down why you should never ever go 50/50 with a man in 7 parts : https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/profile/saynad/forum-posts

First of all, I just want to give you a big internet hug and tell you that everything will be okay. Like another poster commented, I'd highly recommend you read the FDS handbook. More importantly, you're not ruining your relationship. From what you've posted, it sounds like you're being taken advantage of and used. As harsh as it sounds, I think you need to break things off and take some time for yourself to level up, establish your roots, and be at ease. Think about it; what is he bringing to the table? He doesn't provide for you, he doesn't give any emotional support, he doesn't even help care for your children. On the other hand, it sounds like you do everything you possibly can for him while getting nothing in return. As women, society already puts us at a disadvantage and right now, you're just further harming yourself by staying in this sort of situation. I can guarantee that you'd be happier by yourself and finding female friends to spend your time with than with this current partner. Reading your post reminded me of myself about a 1.5 years ago. If I had written a post, it probably would've been pretty similar to what you've written here. What helped me is taking time to reevaluate my life and put myself first, not a romantic relationship. I know it can be hard but the best thing you can do is prioritize yourself and your happiness as well as recognize that you aren't the problem, he is. Don't get me wrong, all of us ladies need to be focusing on our own improvement and betterment but in relationships, the men are the ones that aren't stepping up to the plate.

I wish you all the best and you can always DM me if you need someone to talk to!

Ok, your divorce isn't finalized yet- this relationship isn't meant to be long term and you went into it knowing that. It's not a pleasant distraction for you? DROP IT You literally have no long term potential w him bc you never began the relationship w that intent. Keep your dignity and leave this situation that doesn't serve you. If you try and make more out of this rebound than it is you will be deflecting your healing from your divorce onto this new relationship.

You're not getting enough from this relationship to stay in it. You'll have more money on your own because you won't be subsidizing his kids and life. He's taking advantage of you. My dad is the same way - only wants to be around his kids when you're in a sunny mood. Guys like this are trash. You're not doing anything wrong, it's time to go

Lose this using loser and go take some classes in the community where you will meet women. I recommend the local YMCA, if you have one nearby--they always have fitness and yoga classes filled with friendly women, and lots of immigrant women use their services as well. You will probably make some new friends there.

Because the truth is this--you are wasting energy on this using creep--energy you could be putting toward YOURSELF. Your life is not going to get better so long as you keep this male barnacle on you, sucking the life and labor out of you. Scrape him off, and go invest in yourself instead.

Also, as a Canadian, I can tell you that 50/50 is not some national standard--it is what a woman will be gaslit into settling for if she is with a substandard man who doesn't want to be a good provider. So, if he fed you that line, he is full of shit. Going forward, it is YOU who sets the standard--if a man won't provide, leave him where you found him. There are plenty of men who will.

Match his energy. They can dish it but they can't take it lol. I know its hard to make friends but you need women friends. Its not the same as in person but we are here for you ❤

This is why going 50/50 is a problem. You give more effort to his kids. You give more emotional support than he is capable of giving you. This is 100 percent typical of heterosexual relationships and it's the reason why we do not endorse 50/50.

FDS: Don't go 50/50 OPer: Imma fo-get dat! Also OPer: I can't afford shit and it's impacting my mood!! What do I do!?!

The problem with venting is that it allows you to stay in a bad situation because you've released your true feelings about the situation without doing anything constructive about it. On the website that will not be named, they have a section for mothers to post in, and there are accounts that have years of sad, angry posts about their boyfriends/husbands that take advantage of them because venting allows them to stay in those relationships.

Your feelings are not invalid. The fact that you have these feelings and think that your feelings about the situation are the problem is a diservice to yourself.

If you broke your leg, you would go to the hospital and do whatever you could to fix it and heal it and get that leg as good as new. You wouldn't sit there and go "Oh, the pain that I am feeling from this broken leg is the problem. I'll just talk about it on the internet and get used to the pain and not do anything about it"

The thing about the internet is that you can always find an echo chamber or a hugbox if you're looking for one.

Your partner is the problem, not you. You’re allowed to have problems and experience emotions other than happiness. Unfortunately, he sounds like the kind of man who expects women to be super perky and happy all the time. I’d say break up with him but perhaps do that after you’ve made some more connections in the community so you aren’t completely alone. He is taking advantage of you kids-wise but he probably doesn’t see it that way. He probably just thinks “of course she does all this stuff, she’s the woman, I don’t have to do the same thing because I’m a man.” Re: the money, does he pressure you to spend it? If so, that’s financial abuse. I’d scale back how much time you spend with him and his kids, and how much money you put into them until you feel confident about leaving.

It's salvagable. Stop giving right now, right fucking now!! I could shake you! This does 2 things: 1, you'll relax because you don't have to give more of what you're already struggling to give, 2, he'll think he's indebted to you when the gifts stop coming. Male psychology is different from women. Women think, we give and they'll give back. This works if the recipient is a woman. Male psychology is, oh she stopped giving? Shit, I must be doing something wrong, I better start giving. Whenever I have the urge to give or pay time / attention to them, I tell myself "men thrive on neglect." They really do. Also spend that time and energy on yourself first. Anyway. They love their alone time / space and it allows them to miss you. When you don't give them anything, this gives them the opportunity to win you back, and feel good about themselves by being a provider and a giver. Think about how the men you ignore try harder to earn you back. When a guy gives to you, all you have to do in return is smile and say thank you. That's all they want. They don't want you to drive yourself crazy giving from an empty well.

This is stuff from the books, "The Empowered Wife" and "Men are from Mars..."

Yes!! When you give 100% men think that you must've done something wrong and you're trying to make up for it, so they, without guilt, accept whatever you're giving thinking you're making up some debt. When you stop giving, they think, oh shit I did something wrong, I better try to win her back.

Yes!! You do have to put on a front that you're smiley, positive, happy all the time. Because men feel your moods. You have to find a way to cope and figure out how to be happy on your own. It is a myth that men make you happy. You have to make yourself happy (hobbies, friends, confidence, working out, etc.) Men want women in their lives because they soak in our positive energy. That's also why the good men WANT to give and provide for their partners, and a gracious and enthusiastic THANK YOUU!! Is what they live for. Literally, some books go so far as to say that men live to please women. But you have to be receptive! Hence changing your mindset about what it means to receive from a man. It doesn't mean you're weak or needy, it means you're deserving of good things. If you're financially insecure, that's almost fantastic cause then you don't have to lie. Men will feel more special and powerful and want to protect and provide for you if they perceive you're weaker than them in this respect (but you're actually stronger than them cause who's the one receiving the payment? hehehe) Ugh this may be revealing my hands a bit here haha. I'm pretending to be quite poor right now. Of course you need to be financially secure for your own safety, but you can go ahead and play up the difficulties around him and he will want to feel like a hero and rescue you.

If you want to get married, start dressing up and acting single. If he sees there's a chance he might lose you if he doesn't lock you down, he'll start feeling like wanting to marry you. If that doesn't happen, you might attract another man who will anyway, so there's no lose to looking good. This shit works trust me bro haha

When I feel moody I try to keep it to myself, unless you are adept enough to play it in a vulnerable damsel in distress way, because men think they're failing, or their woman is broken, if she's unhappy. He doesn't want to be around that, some books will say it's because it reminds him that he failed as a partner. But if she's happy, he starts feeling successful as a partner, and then is encouraged to do more things to sustain that happiness.

Anyway, read The Empowered Wife. It's crazy life changing for me. I realized men treated me badly because of the energy I was giving off. When I changed how I acted, the same men in my life started acting like I was a prize. LOL!! Aye... too bad I couldn't share this shit with my pickme friends... So I guess I'm using up that energy here sharing it with others. I've heard stories from the author's website about wives who "won" their husbands back from the brink of divorce, so actually if a part of you still wants to be with your first husband and hence you're taking a while on the divorce papers, this shit might even work with getting him back. Or getting this new fella to put a ring on you.