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I don't want to have sex until I am
engaged as feel I need a certain level
of security and commitment to relax in this department. I was in a 15 year relationship and he was my first everything and now that it is over I am used to commitment around sex and feel I need that with dating now. How do you ladies who feel
the same approach this? Tell potential suitors etc
I am in my late 30s, and I make no pretenses about this issue.
What I have actually said to men on dates, with my shoulders squared:
“In order for things to progress physically, I would need a certain level of commitment in the relationship.“
I think they all understood I needed to be engaged to have sex. They all turned out to be LV, but none of them pushed my boundaries physically.
Option A: never give them a timeline, when they try to escalate to sex too early, simply drop them. When there's a little more trust, you can simply say you're not ready yet. Option B: Just say "I only want to have sex with the man who is going to be my husband". A man's reaction to that statement will probably tell you everything you need to know.
I feel no sexual attraction until I develop a close connection with someone and trust them. The thought of even kissing most of the men I've gone on dates with usually repulsed me immensely. I struggled for years trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me before realizing this isn’t that uncommon. There have been maybe three men in my life who I felt intense lust for so at least it’s possible for me. I am a very sexual person, it’s just very difficult for me to find a man I see in that way which is incredibly frustrating.
I typically get a feel for them over the first three dates before I decide how I want to proceed with “the talk” about this. If they make it clear that they are sex starved and are counting down the minutes until they can get me into bed, I just cut the relationship off. If they seem genuine in wanting to get to know me as a person, I just tell them that I don’t engage in sex until I deeply care for and trust someone, and know that they feel the same for me. My last boyfriend was on the same page so we were very compatible in that way.
** Forgot to add, but I'd need to be in a serious, monogamous relationship with marriage being the end goal (for both of us) to feel comfortable with sex too. So not officially engaged maybe (although I think that's a great idea), but we'd need to be on the same page that marriage is the goal.