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Please talk some sense to me. It's been two years since I broke up with my ex LVM, and some days are still better than others. I'm aware of what he did to me and that I tried as best as I could to keep the relationship afloat. My feelings were valid when I broke up with him, and that's that. I loved his family so much, they welcomed me with open arms and I genuinely had great times with them.
There were these two photos that I was tagged under when his now sister in law had her bridal shower. I go to Facebook because I want to change my profile pic and notice that those photos are now gone. I've been untagged and I don't know why stupid shit like this gets to me. My mood is kind of ruined right now. Life goes on, people move on. Why the fuck can't I. It's so upsetting.
I missed my ex even though he abused me. Sometimes I still think back to the good times with a teary eye. Grief and loss are sadly a normal part of life. When an important relationship ends (no matter if romantic or not), it's like someone has died. It's a shock to our attachment system. I also believe that some grief never goes away completely, the rest of your life just grows bigger around it. Experience new things that add to your life instead of focusing on making the pain go away. Walk alongside it while you find new things to admire, love, laugh about.
Even when the bad parts were truly unacceptable, it’s still hard letting go of the good parts. You can know you made the right choice for you, but you still have to grieve the loss of the things that you loved. I know how you feel and it’s ok to be sad over the sense of loss. I try to remind myself that it’s not as if I regret ending things, it’s just that I’m allowed to miss all the things I loved. I spent so long trying to not think about the positive qualities because I knew it was essential that I get out of the toxic situation I was in. Now that time has passed all the grief of the good parts I lost can hit me really hard sometimes. My solution has been to go ahead and let myself feel sad. I know I’m never going back to him but I can mourn the life I lost and the future I thought we’d have together. It’s only through grieving that I’m able to accept it and move forward in my life.
I know how you feel. It's been almost 8 months since I dumped my LVM ex but I'm still not over him. I still start crying when Spotify randomly plays a certain song that's like a culmination of all of the good parts of our relationship. This is new territory for me because I usually take like 2 weeks to get over any ex, because they were ALL assholes and so mean to me, so it was easy to get over them. But this guy was different and so my brain is still stuck on him.
Don't be too hard on yourself. As @PlainSimpleTailor told me in a previous post, you should feel grateful that you are capable of such a deep and caring love, as that's more than most people could hope to have.
I wish there was a magic bullet for forgetting someone or making it easier to move on... I have tried hypnosis audios before sleep to no avail. It is unfair that we have to be stuck grieving like this because they didn't live up to be the men we thought they could be.... But I have to believe that time heals all wounds and one day we will realize we don't miss them anymore and any memory of them doesn't bother us. And then maybe when that happens, we can believe we'll be able to move on for good. 💜
You still care because your feelings were genuine. You deeply cared about him and his family. It is normal to still care. At the end of the day, we are still beings with feelings.
Sometimes I think of my past exs’. They’ll pass my mind on days where I am in moments of silence with myself. I still feel sadness regardless of how LVM/NVM they were. It doesn’t mean I am weak, but that I am mourning and reflecting on how much I have evolved.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, look at it as a sign of progress, rather a lack of strength. It is a journey 🤍
Rosy retrospection is where we tend to overfocus on the good parts of past relationships and forget the bad, and the valid self-protective reasons we dumped them.
The thing with you getting tagged in photos, then not, just sounds like lowkey mean girl shenanigans. Who does that? You made the right decision to get away from the lot of them. Don’t second guess yourself, Queen.
This could be interpreted as the sister in law trying to help? Maybe she thought it would be painful for you to see the pictures. I’m sorry you’re grieving the loss of his relatives that were important to you, but this might be their way of looking out for you from afar? Potentially?