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I chose Hinge for a couple of reasons:
I liked the prompts, it seems like a great way to encourage discussion.
Unpopular opinion: Because of the fact that they do allow exclusion based on race. I'm a black woman and know the challenges of dating first hand. I'd rather only see potential matches that are open to or desires a partner of my demographic than to waste time browsing endless profiles of people who would not date me. Someone checking off black matches means far less frogs to weed through.
Plan is:
Not to send any likes, but to match with the likes I receive.
I intend to match based on attractiveness of appearance, profile content (ie if they're fairly intelligent, mentally sane, don't have cliche BS quotes about working hard and playing hard, etc), and if we have shared values, dating goals (they're not into ENM 🙄 and kink).
After I carefully curate my scrotation, I go out on dates. I'm taking the process ultra slow, no kissing or physical stuff and certainly no jumping into a relationship too soon until I'm sure it's the right person. I am not sure if I want to get married and definitely do not want to cohabitate with anyone so there's no rush.
I originally planned to use Bumble as well, but the idea of writing men first does not sit well with my soul. Tinder is out; it's a dumpster fire.
Any further advice on how I can refine my strategy?
I haven't used OLD in a while and never Hinge, but Hinge's advertising on TikTok really troubles me.
In one ad they suggest a road trip for a first date. Man picks up woman in his car, they drive to a beach and he gives her a surfing lesson. She openly giggles that her date pushes her into the water before she is ready.
In the second ad, a woman turns up to a man's apartment and they have a movie marathon and it implies they are intimate after the movies.
Both ads are first date ideas and the woman is *always* in a vulnerable position. I complained to Hinge that they really need to think through their advertising ideas (given the documented violence against women) and of course, there was no response.
Dating apps are selling women for men's engagement (and disgusting "enjoyment"). You're the product in this situation. I just don't see the benefit.
My strategy was also to never send the first like. I say stick to it, no matter WHAT. For some reason, there are actually attractive, real men in my city on Hinge. Of the exactly 2 times I abandoned my strategy and sent the first like (and nothing BUT a like, no message either), it was a waste of time. The first one asked for a drink date and then canceled so he could go have a situationship with this ex, and the other ghosted. Men must chase = men must like first. No exceptions.
This is exactly why I only used hinge, never sent likes or initiate conversations. I only chose among the men who sent me likes, and responded to men who send good message first. Also, don’t bother with men who don’t put what they are looking for on the profile because they are most definitely looking to waste your time. I am taking break from dating and avoiding dating app. If I were ever to get back on dating then hinge is the only thing I would try.
Good luck! I really like that Hinge has a voice prompt option. Voice is a huge thing for me so it was nice being able to hear someone’s voice on their profile.
When I used OLD I actually had the most success with Bumble, but I agree, having to send the first message is not a good strategy. Some men I matched with there took the lead after I sent the first message, but most did not.
My only tip for Hinge would be to use the poll prompt and make it a vetting question. You’re probably already doing that, but just throwing it out there. I really wish Hinge would let users create their own polls rather than choosing from their template.
Gonna preface this by saying I know I'm likely about to catch a lot of shit for my opinion. But as negative as it is, I hope and pray you will reconsider.
IMHO none of us should give any of our time or money to this trafficking cartel repackaged. These apps are literally selling men access to you.
All the apps are owned by match group and use the same algorithms designed to keep you on the apps swiping (and preferably paying a subscription to see marginally better matches) with FOMO and not off them in a relationship. They are all the same with a different colored interface and maybe some different selling points to make you think they're not the same thing just rebranded. Any new apps that show promise are quickly bought up and made a part of the monopoly. They also WILL NOT do a damn thing to help protect the women they are selling. The most heinious of the men that matched with me back on the apps I reported with proof of their transgressions and they were back the next week as if nothing had happened.
If it really was that easy to find a good man on the apps then we wouldn't all have such insane horror stories. You're better served living your life. Don't be part of the product these apps are selling.
I honestly feel like they are all the same dumpster fire, rebranded. The same men are likely on all the apps.
The key difference that worked for me is changing my mindset and attitude about dating, regardless of which app I went on. I matched with more attractive, higher effort men after. Act like a queen, and they're ready to fawn 💅
Not to be a downer, but I use the same strategy and it doesn’t work for me. The problem is that men inflate their sense of worth. The guys I get ‘liking’ me are not on my level, most of them have less education and are unattractive.
You might have better luck, but I still feel like it’s best meeting men in person.
I do like hinge as well compared to other apps!
Can you see who likes you on hinge? I only did fb dating and tinder. I only look thru guys who liked me.