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My whole life I've gotten this, and it just never sits right. Queens, tell me if I'm overthinking this, and what you think when some man says you are "sweet". I don't particularly care to be called this by a woman, but from a man? instant hackle-rise reaction. I want to act, not react.
First impression, it doesn't sit well with me from any stranger at any time because it feels like he's trying to define me as being compliant, uncomplicated, etc. I always push back against it, and argue, but UGH, that just feels too exhausting. Probably easier just to play dumb fox, but I admit, I have an ego, and just hate being thought of as an easy mark, a woman who exists to please, etc. That's a place I can level up. Lots of that from growing up as the baby of the family, even though my family was loving, but really working hard to define myself on my terms, and not be defined by others. This is something done to kids that needs to stop. Seriously, ask people more questions! Listen when they speak about who they really are! Especially true in dating. I cannot imagine just making a blanket statement about a stranger, "You are ___". Presumptuous AF!
Secondly, it doesn't sit right because it's phrased as a statement, not a question. I can't stand it when anyone stereotypes me; it suddenly makes you two-dimensional, and it takes away all nuance. And besides, "sweet" is just so damn generic, so twee, treacly, asininely commonplace, too. Maybe it's meant to be a compliment, so okay, I get that but again, it just seems super low-effort, unimaginative, bland, generic. Pass!
Any thoughts and ideas welcome. Thanks.
I've never liked it either. It's akin to being called a confectionary: delicious in the moment, but ultimately insubstantial. Empty calories aren't healthy for your body or healthy for relationships
I, too, dislike it very much. Perhaps it used to be a good thing to say a century or more ago, but it has changed; now it carries undertones of "you're naive" or "I can probably get away with a lot, because you're so 'giving' and 'tolerant.'" It also feels infantilizing and dismissive.
If a fairly new acquaintance called me that, I'd see it as just one word that they pulled out of their compliment-bag at random. I think they think it's disarming -- and I mean that word literally -- it's meant to bowl me over and feel soooo flattered -- whereas it would actually just make me think that he's making hardly any effort at all because it's a word you can use whether you've gotten to know someone or not. It's simply lazy.
Being receptive of compliments works in your favor. But “sweet” is a saying that belongs to estimate the flavor of a dish. He sees you as a piece of meat to eat. You are not a dish. Whoever calls you sweet tell them they stink or that they are rotten.
It would leave me uncomfortable, also. Why not kind, caring, astute, emotionally intelligent? Same idea, but none of the bitter aftertaste. Are they reacting to the tone of your voice and/or aesthetic? Maybe play with those a bit.
Sweet implies harmless. When a man calls me sweet, I laugh in his face.
You could tell him sweet is too general a term and ask if he could break it down for you. Explain to him it’s as if you called him nice. What makes him nice? Or better yet just dryly say, “Thanks and you’re nice”.