I am doubting myself

There’s not enough info here to respond or advise. I expect you just need to vent. Men are frustrating, so fair enough. If you are ever confused —he isn‘t worth dating.

To keep it simple: long distance relationships are a no. There is no relationship. That is a stranger. You can’t know that anything about him is true. When a man can’t get sex within the physical proximity of his own town —there’s something very wrong with him. You deserve better. You deserve someone in your proximity whom you can see and touch.

Somebody else said in another topic that if his behaviour has you feeling confused, that's an indication you should get away from that guy.

Sounds like a good rule of thumb to me.

I know what's it's like to feel some doubts like "What if this could be something?"

That comes from society always urging us to give men a chance no matter how crappy they can be.

It's not asking for perfection for a man to be capable of clarity. Not just in words, but also in actions. I don't want to deal with guys who are too wishy-washy or too fearful to ever be clear. I want to limit how long I remain in a state of confusion.

At most I can see maybe taking a "wait and see" approach. That doesn't mean let your guard down. That means take some time to observe him in a detached manner as a scientist might observe a lab animal. Be ready to cut him lose. Don't get yourself feeling attached in the meantime.

The "wait and see" approach does come with some risk, though. You just might become more attached than you intended.

if you are not afraid of ending up alone then why are you so hesitant on blocking and deleting someone who has shamelessly displayed LV behavior? take off the rose-tinted glasses and face reality. he would not think twice about putting his needs above yours so beat him to the punch and do the same for yourself and your needs.

He traveled to a foreign destination for free sex. Is he staying with you? If so, it was also a free place to stay during his Grand Tour. Most (LVM) would jump at the opportunity to save on hotels while getting laid by the hostess with no strings attached in a place where he doesn't know anyone and will never see them again.

I won't even bother addressing the rest because you know this isn't a good idea or you wouldn't have posted about him here. He's making you doubt yourself and you've already identified LV behaviors. Additionally, the fact that you believe he enjoys "struggle love" tells you everything you need to know--he's an emotionally manipulative user who will start abusing you soon, if he hasn't already. The butterflies are actually your instincts screaming at you to get the hell away from this predator. Whether you honor yourself is up to you, but if you ignore our advice and continue to entertain this creature, please do not expect us to be surprised or even particularly sympathetic on your next posts about how he has broken your heart, stolen your money, ruined your friendships, harmed your reputation, hurt you physically, and/or repeatedly maneuvered you into situations that made you lose respect for yourself.

Incidentally, you don't keep good men at bay; you keep hunting dogs at bay shortly before you let them loose on the hapless animal you intend to harvest. It's clear from the very language you use that you subconsciously know he is potentially dangerous. Now it's time to block and delete, then get a therapist to help you figure out why you're self-harming by entertaining emotionally manipulative, LV men.

So he flew across the world without making his intentions known? That's manipulative.

He's operating on a fairy tale script of grand gestures (after treating you poorly) that he hopes will force you to see him. Otherwise you're a horrible person for not seeing a man who flew across the world to see you, right? Notice what he's doing? Don't fall for it. He hasn't changed, he's getting desperate.

If you're feeling butterflies in the stomach, even a single butterfly with only half wings flapping desperately, then RUN. RUN QUICK. Butterflies are your instincts screaming at you to drop that guy without entertaining any more of anything.

"I feel like with the right guy there wouldn't be this confusion..."

You just answered your own questions. This right here is the perfect answer.

I'm not saying this to be mean or dismissive of your feelings. I'm saying this because it sounds like you really need it and it will be a valuable resource for you. You need to read the handbook. Trust us. The handbook more or less answers all of these questions. If you already read it, I recommend rereading it.

The struggle love thing is a bad sign. As for the rest, it’s hard without more concrete information. About instinct vs fear, I feel like fear is very loud and in your head, and instinct is quiet curious and in your throat or chest - I’m probably not making much sense with these descriptions. Loud and anxious vs quiet and curious

Update: Kept my guard up, treaded verrry carefully. Y'all were right. It was not good... Currently extracting myself and listening to 'sis, don't settle' audio book to set my self right again.

Life it too short!