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Edit: this was more of a vent post so I tagged it incorrectly
So I went out on a date last night with a guy I matched on an app with earlier in the week. He invited me out for wine at first, after we spoke on the phone, and ended up telling jume that I actually don't drink.
He then said that we could drink Shirley temples on his romantic rooftop. I then told him that I'd rather go out and experience things together before being at his house as I build a connection with new people. He said he understood and invited me out still. Which was totally fine with me.
By the end of our bar date (I had a mocktail and am very okay with being out with others at bars) we walked a short distance to his house and did go on his rooftop but that was it. I told him how I don't do causal sex. He said he didn't have any expectations and everything went well.
Today I am asking about something and he said we can talk more about it over tonic waters (the drink I have while out). I said "alongside food?" He then replied that his cooking has a five star rating on yelp. I am very upset right now because I made it clear that I want to go out for dates. I am realy pissed off.
The unfortunate thing is he is attractive, really funny, and a cool dude. He works in media and does stand up comedy for fun on the side. I really enjoyed my time with him. I feel like such an idiot.
As a 48 yr old Gen X'er, it is continuously disheartening to see post after post after post of young women, trusting males. Trusting them to the point of doubting themselves, doubting common sense. Etc. "He keeps inviting me to his house even though I already said I didn't want to hang at his house." Uuumm YEAH. Because males don't listen to women. They don't GAF. It is about them and their wants, their needs, their pleasure and what ways they can manipulate you into forcing you to cater to their needs.
>””I’m pretty sure I want to ask him to give me a call and confirm that we are not in the same page “”
We don’t continuously open the fridge to see if new foods have appeared, we open it to see if our snacking standards have lowered that last time we checked….
There are so many, ‘he’s-just-wasting-your-time-to-get-sex’ red flags that I’m not going to waste my time annunciating them for you….you know them already, you aren’t looking for advice here, you’re looking for someone to save you from yourself.
>the unfortunate thing is he is attractive…..
You are sad to say goodbye to the fantasy future you would have experienced if a guy like that didn’t just want to use your time for his own entertainment and your body as a warm hole.
Read the handbook. Block and Delete at the first “romantic rooftop” (jesus, this is a sad joke!) and not the continued coercion to get you alone in his house.
Your own bad judgement is going to coerce your own self into casual sex with a low effort ass hat whose actions have done nothing but tell you that he doesn’t take you seriously as a partner.
Damn, that's really annoying for you sis. But it does sound that he's either determined to get you into his bed or just doesn't listen very well and isn't attentive to your needs. Either way, it's garbage and you have every right to be upset. At this point I would probably block and delete. Even the 'we can talk more about it over tonic water' sounds creepy. Why does he just not talk about it now?
"He invited me out for wine at first, after we spoke on the phone"
Stop right there. If he does not invite you out for a dinner date AS A FIRST DATE without being prompted, then he does not respect you. The most you can do is write on your profile that you enjoy meeting over dinner. If he does not invite you to dinner after reading your profile, then he is blatantly disrespecting your boundaries.
I will repeat this over and over and over on this forum.
End of story. Block and delete and move on.
With all due respect, it’s your job to live your boundaries, not tell them to men.
>By the end of our bar date (I had a mocktail and am very okay with being out with others at bars) we walked a short distance to his house and did go on his rooftop but that was it.
If you don’t want to go to men’s houses, DON’T. Treat every attempt to get you to do things you don’t want to do as absurd as someone trying to get you to eat poop. Like…”wat?” It’s ridiculous that a man would ever ask a woman to his house on a first date, let alone consistently. Men know how dangerous dating is for women. A gentleman wouldn’t ask a woman to trust s stranger.
Stand up comedians are often VERY good at boundary pushing/crossing while still coming across as friendly funny guys. They get used to rejection quick so it doesn't phase them as much. They get used to saying shit that makes others uncomfortable because it amuses them or other comedians. They are also very often narcissists so they can come across as charming, fun, magnetic, and so on, but stick around long enough and their self centeredness will lead to you self sacrificing your needs for their wants.
You've already seen enough red flags to know what you need to do. Let him be someone else's mistake.
I am proud of you for recognizing the red flags that are so expertelly veiled by the guy
This guy sounds pushy.
He should be trying to organise dates that YOU feel comfortable with and enjoy.
We don't do coffee and drinks dates for a reason and we shouldn't have to BEG for dinner dates.
Walk dates are for dogs.
Don't be pissed off--he's not worth the mental energy.
Also, going to a guy's house (despite the obvious dangers) kind of also "locks" you onto him. It's harder to be "single" and detached when you have been to his house early on. Take a big step back and do not accept any date that involves his house. Start seeing other guys. Listen to the episode on keeping a Scrotation.
Eeesh, this is rough.
As if saying so the first time wasn't enough, he keeps on trying to get you to his house. "No" is a complete sentence, and people like him do not like hearing it. Two people who just met are still strangers. I don't like how he continuously wants to talk you into why he's trustworthy.
Also, how do you know he's not going to make you into one of his comedy routines?
This sounds like a similar question I read on Matchmaker Maria's Instagram story on Wednesday "Ask a Matchmaker".