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I know we shouldn’t have crushes but sometimes it’s hard to avoid. I wanted to know how a male (I don’t say HVM because I don’t know whether he is or not) would subtle avoid a woman that he knows is interested.
My situation is: I was going out with X guy and in the same week I broke up with him we met a couple of friends in an event of the company. I actually got very interested in this Y guy we met and we, as a group, started to go out together. I had already broken up with X guy and I started giving Y guy signs like smiling to him, asking questions etc (don’t know if those are clear signs). Found out he is single and looking for a girlfriend (the other girl told me). We are the same age.
I actually had some hope that he would ask me out one day, because we all know that a man being single, knowing the other woman is single, basically if he doesn’t ask is because he is not interested.
Yesterday we went out in group (X guy couldn’t go) and Y guy gave me a ride to get there and said he didn’t offer first because he thought X guy would come and take me.
When we were leaving, the girl asked if I wanted a ride again from Y guy and he immediately said “you two had agreed you would take her” (because she said she could only give me a ride when returning home) as if he was trying to avoid me. I had this impression because he could’ve offered to take me home.
Anyways, I’m not sure if he’s trying to avoid me, maybe because he’s not interested or because guy X said he went out with me, he might think we have something… in theory they don’t know because I had asked X guy to never tell anyone.
I don’t know if I should stop going out with them, especially because now probably guy X will always join and I’m interested in guy Y…
> single, looking for a girlfriend and doesn't seize a chance to be alone with you
OP, he's very clearly not into you so it is within your best interest to stay away from them and move forward.
This whole group dynamic sounds toxic af and a waste of your time.
You've got 'friends' trying to force a set up (you meeting Y is plenty of set up, they don't need to do anything else). AND this group contains your X- and that guy has definitely told the other guy.
Well yeah. A HVM will simply not pursue a woman he is not interested in. And that's ok. The FDS podcast episode on "Flirting Strategies" covers this. You have to at least indicate you are interested and the pursuit is up to him.
And remember, abundance mindset! There are plenty more fish in the sea.
i think he's either not interested or he cares more about X guy than about being with you. you've given signs and he's not taking initiative, so i think it's best you forget all about him.
Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I am being a bit extreme, but to me, this counts as a woman making the first move, and that's a no-no in FDS. A subtle, sweet smile before looking away and moving on to converse with other people is all the signal needed to give out. If the man is interested, he will find a way to speak with her and escalate things from there organically; if he isn't, he'll just pretend he didn't see that smile and walk away.
Do not talk to a man first. Men are insufferably annoying when it comes to the women they want. They will not hesitate to talk and make the move first if she really catches his eye. Remember this. If you have to ask yourself or others if a man is avoiding you, icing you out, is mean or rude or distant or whatever else that's making you feel bad.. He's Just Not That Into You.
It sounds like you want to believe that this Y dude is avoiding you because he's trying to be respectful, so you've already credited him some HVM points despite lack of evidence. Men don't pursue women for a number of reasons and many of them are LV reasons like expecting the woman to chase HIM, or the misogynist idea that another man "called dibs" on you so now you're off limits. Don't waste your time trying to decode this behavior. He doesn't show interest, that's the end of the story. You don't need to try to signal more availability to him. All the info he needs is there. He could have just asked you whether you were still dating X, btw. When he makes no moves, don't push him. Leave his inert ass behind.
The fact he seemed like he got pissy about giving you a ride home would be enough of a turn off for me. Even if he wasn't interested in you I feel like as a friend he should have been okay with giving you a ride home. I dunno seems like a sign even if you dated he'd be selfish
Ignore both men and get on with your life. If he wanted to, he would.
As you said, if he doesn’t ask, it’s because he isn’t interested.