.png)
I’m curious as to how you queens straddle the line between being a great conversationalist which to me usually embodies this:
You’re actively listening
Curious
Engaging
And leading the conversation?
Within the context of FDS/All The Rules ethos, this could easily cross the line into leading the conversation, being the pursuer. I’ve erroneously done this many times in the past. Perhaps a part of it was vain, to show my intellectual prowess. There’s really no way to gauge interest level if you keep him enthralled with sparkling conversation. But I’m also noticing that when I take a passive stance these conversations run dry. I don’t try to reignite. But I’m also wondering if there’s is a way to balance this? Or others have had similar experiences?
This one I tend to worry about the least because to be totally honest.. he needs to be exciting and interesting to ME. I actively listen, engage as I desire, laugh and joke around and don’t worry about being intimidating. If he feels intimidated - too bad. I’m interesting. He needs to be also. Lol if I feel bored, NEXT. I don’t want to waste one more evening let alone the next 50 years of my life sitting by someone with nothing to say. That being said, I don’t dominate the conversation just to do it nor am I disinterested in the other party. I just don’t worry about leading too much. There’s plenty of space. If he can’t step up, that’s a him problem.
I lead with "How are you, what's going on in life right now? What's in your head?" If you say it with genuine interest you've given the other person leave to talk about whatever they want to at the time.
Anyone with empathy will know if they are taking over and only talking about themselves. They might need / want to for a bit, but later should reciprocate. If conversations are always dominated by one person then the dynamic is off-kilter. Smile, nod, and shut it down. Act with grace, charm, and without giving away your precious time.
Anyone who allows you to put in all the effort of a conversation is either boring or can't be bothered. If you find yourself compensating - this is not someone you want to spend time with. The dynamic is set. Move on.
There is a happy medium between the two extremes. You want to be interesting and also interested - and so does your conversational partner.
Asking questions can help. Follow-up questions to things the other person says. This shows that you have heard and understood them, and are interested to learn more.
Some people can be a little shy, so in those cases I try to break the ice by bringing up a lighthearted topic like animal facts. Cute hedgehogs or some other wild animals I recently saw... or any other neutral topic.
Lol not really... you either retain your detachment from their reactions or you don’t. That’s what makes a conversation great. From being authentic, funny, engaging. to be fair this is one thing I don’t think you can necessarily fake. Just retain your composure until you have something to say is my advice. I guess I am never really that curious about other people. I never pepper them with questions. How they interact with my personality is what I take account of And appreciate. Because I know I am funny and fun to be around. If this intimidates them and the conversation runs dry then whatever
I think the line is between being a good conversationalist vs. leading the conversation. He's bringing convo to the table, you're merely commenting on it and adding your thoughts. You're not actively moving the conversation forward and steering it.
Asking questions can help. Follow-up questions to things the other person says. This shows that you have heard and understood them, and are interested to learn more.
Some people can be a little shy, so in those cases I try to break the ice by bringing up a lighthearted topic like animal facts. Cute hedgehogs or some other wild animals I recently saw... or any other neutral topic.
Good question.. When I notice I'm leading the conversation too much, I stop and observe lol. But I have the same concerns as you OP.