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Asking this in the place where the best advice is given. And the most beneficial & safe for women.
I have a tendency to like guys who are cold and are womanizers.
The cold introverted guy who's very narcissistic-like and is flirty with women but he does it in a more covert way. He has a quiet charm and is a player. Really good with love bombing and mixed signals.
Yeah, plain sh-t of a type
He may say that most of his friends are women, that when women approach him while he's busy he ignores them. Cold to women but constantly seeking their company and always having at least one woman to entertain him.
Bonus points if he is foreign and has a few physical traits that I like. Sometimes unconventionally attractive. Or having traits that are rare.
They tend to be hot and cold with me, mostly cold with some love bombing and sweet words. They may triangulate me with another woman and tell me I'm not his type and give me a list of traits he doesn't like on me, constantly telling me what's off about me.
Examine your urge to work hard for crumbs of affection.
You're attracted to these guys because your childhood caregivers were emotionally neglectful (mine too, hi!) so you're primed to jump through hoops of fire to get the attention, validation and love of those around you.
You like the push-pull dynamic these relationships establish, which is unhealthy.
Once you interrogate why you're attracted to these characters and start to heal, you'll be turned off by this behavior
If you have such a clearly defined "type", you have to dig deep into yourself to understand the reason.
Someone else said they could be familiar in some (obvious or not so obvious) way, which is generally true. Psychology tends to explore this theme a lot: how your primary wounds primed you for repetition compulsion (a way that your brain uses to try to resolve the original situation by reliving it).
Another theme, that personally has helped me even more, with this particular type of men, is: how my primary wounds left me desperate to fullfill certain needs at any cost. So ask yourself: what needs of yours these "type" meet? What do you get to experience through them that you think you can't otherwise? What are the benefits of the relationship with them?
For a long time I thought the key to get rid of some guys was to fixate on all the ways they were bad for me, and how they have destroyed my life. But I was only able to find closure when I started to examine what I am desperate FOR (rather than against).
Well, I too tend to both attract and be attracted to those types of men as well and I believe the best advice I can give is this: Instinctively, when we know, we know and when we do, cut them off 100%. This has worked twice for me now before I got attached and boy, does it feel good to have that power. Also, if I may ask, what was your relationship like with your mom or dad or both growing up?
What is that thing where cortisol turns into dopamine? Some people get hooked on the intermittent attention. You could try reversing things and being the one who is "less interested" and unpredictable--but you MUST avoid these types of men.
you have to increase your sense of self-worth. once you can give yourself all of the things you need and want, these types will have nothing to offer you. you can even ask yourself right now: what are you getting out of these interactions? is it a sense of excitement and danger? go skydiving. take up an extreme sport. is it fascination or obsession? study something bizarre. start collecting rare houseplants.
Trauma therapy with a female therapist.