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Sometimes we may get carried away when we are attracted to a good looking, charismatic man. I've realised that I go into pick-me territory when this happens but I've found some helpful things to do when this happens.
Time: Honestly distance yourself. The first few initial days are filled with butterflies when you like a guy, and you idealise him. Pull back and avoid seeing him or avoid going to places where you may see him.
Write: Note down how much you know about him. Most of the time we don't know anything about the men we're interested in. So, write down what you know. Everything is in our imagination and we use those thoughts to put him up on the pedestal.
Red flags: List down any red flags you've seen yet. Even better, instead of day dreaming his good qualities, write down his potential red flags.
Introspect: Know your worth. Make a list of why you're an amazing woman, and read it whenever you feel the pickmeness coming on.
Share your tips in the comments
I remember having a crush on two dudes I met at the gym. I happened to find their twitter profiles mistakenly via the gym’s online page. First guy is bisexual. Although progressive but perpetually thirsty and posting thirsty “I want you” comments under both men and women’s posts online. He also posted his gym body thirst traps a lot and clearly enjoyed the validation he got from both men and women.
The second one was even worse. This guy hated women. In fact, his username has the word patriarchy in it. Always commenting “simp” and they won’t shag you on other men supporting women’s posts. It was bizarre because he was what you’d call a “chad”. Tall, dark and well built. He also mocks fat women online.
My crush vanished into thin air. A lot of times when you crush, you’re projecting your fantasy man’s character on them . Once you truly know who you’re dealing with, reality sets in. Until then, keep your distance from them.
I also find writing everything down to be the most helpful. List down the stuff you know about him, and if you can barely list anything and most of it is pretty superficial— then you like him for the ideal version of him.
Making a "green, yellow, and red flags" list also helps. "Pros and Cons" of dating him too.
I second making lots of lists. It keeps you realistic. I even have one for my current relationship where I note down anything I notice (good and bad), just to keep track of the value it adds (or doesn't add). I tend to second-guess myself, but I also tend to have irrational fears, so I can keep myself grounded by writing stuff down.
Don’t grow attached to men. Don’t put them on a pedestal. It’s your life so put yourself on there.
Honestly? Remember that he poos and vomits and all that gross stuff just like everyone else does 🤣 Works like a charm. Oh and also yes to keeping lists of all his red and green flags, and be honest about them... especially the red ones. Anything that doesnt sit right with you goes on the red flag list.
I don't really put men on pedestals even accidentally no matter how good they seem at first. It should be ingrained.
However, I think the most useful thing I can offer is remember he's a human. And as such, humans:
Have pasts
Make mistakes
Disagree on things
Poop
Have embarrassing phases of our personalities
Can be unpredictable and/or dangerous
That said, this is a human you are evaluating for safety and compatibility and this should be at the forefront of your mind, not how much you like him so far. If you put him on a pedestal and overlook things in the beginning you will end up in a relationship you deeply dislike at the absolute best.