How to let the other person pay for your things?

That’s tough because men that dont want to pay won’t pay. It doesn’t matter. It’s the problem with the man and not you. I think one thing that helps me is only accept high effort dates. And I always show up dressed nice, hair and makeup looking great, nice manicure etc. I think this tends to give off the vibe that you are high maintenance, but a guy that isn’t willing to pay won’t care, because they don’t want a high maintenance woman.

The second date you went on with him seemed low effort and in the future never accept A low effort date. Cafe/coffee dates are for when you’re in a relationship and you can have more relaxed dates.

This was a difficult adjustment for me when I resumed dating after finding FDS! It felt so alien to let a man pay for me. It takes some practice, but yes, when the check arrives, simply look away, as if you don’t even notice it. It’s a bit of a game of chicken. Eventually he will likely pay. If he doesn’t, he’s extra embarrassing himself! I also found that for dinner, servers will generally give the man the check. It’s a great cue, like sir, we all expect you to pay.

It also helps to only accept dates where a joint check arrives. If you get separate coffees, it’s easier for him to wriggle out of paying, and more likely to be a low-effort date overall.

But agreed with other ladies, some men won’t pay, no matter what. It only takes one date at most to reveal them. It’s just a part of vetting, and doesn’t reflect poorly on you whether he pays or not!

I don’t think it’s your job to convince the guy that he should pay for the date when he’s taking you out. His desire to impress a woman, to treat her kindly and so on should already be in his value system regardless of what you do or how you look. My current HVM had a genuine look of shock and disbelief on his face and laughed so hard at the dude like this when I told him about one pre-FDS internet date I had were the guy 1. Took me to a cheap nasty eatery, 2. Quickly told the waitress we won’t be having any wine before I had a chance to open my mouth, 3. Wouldn’t budge when the bill came (especially since it was about $25) and let me pay 😱

Your job is to try and weed such guys out before you go out, and if you happen to get into this type of situation - block and delete as you’re walking out of the door.

I agree with the comments who say there's not a lot you can or should do. I know that some FDS advice says you need to act and look expensive and mention how your exes treated you to the nicest things etc., but I feel this is not going to make him pay if he didn't intend to anyway. The best it'll do is weed out LVM trash beforehand, so it's maybe a strategy you can use before you actually sit down with him at the dinner table. You can ask "oh where are you taking me?" and if it's not up to your standards, either block or if you feel it's worth it, say that you only do dinner dates at mid- to upscale places or something like that. FWIW, I'm not "high maintenance looking" at all, I dress very casually, no makeup, etc., and my boyfriend still pays for dates. Because he wants to. 🤷‍♀️

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. I remember once going on a date and the guy paid for the date. When he went to pay, me made a comment like “this time, it’s on me”. I already knew what that meant, so a second date never happened because how is a grown man telling me we are splitting my money. That’s not how this works. The best thing to do is exit this early and not go on a convincing tour for a man who’s already made up his mind on how to treat you.

When I go on dates I am always ready to NOT pay and to challenge a man asking me to pay.

I have never had to do it but I have rehearsed, “I’m confused. You invited me here. I don’t have the money for this.” Then be quiet and let him blather.

If he isn’t ashamed, I am prepared to repeat, “I don’t have the money for this. Had you been up front and told me I would be paying, I could have told you that.“. And sit awkwardly and show the staff the message that he invited me. WITH my purse by my side 🤣

ALL women should behave like we are broke and useless in courtship phase- even when you are not.

But I think this doesn’t happen to me because of my “high maintenence” vibe and vetting. (Im 40 but learned this strategy at 25.)

1. I do not accept low effort dates. (Although I did get tricked into a drinks date recently but I still didn’t pay).

2. I ask questions and see what his solutions are…”Drinks at 6 PM sound nice but I’m going to be hungry so I might have to pass”…but men that do not initially offer to feed you are usually stingy. But again, if he said, “drinks followed by dinner at X Restaurant” and asked you to pay, you could use my script to say, “Im confused.”

Btw, a man I was dating for 3 months asked if we could go 50/50 at the end of a dinner. I said, “no, its not romantic and I have been up front with you that I want marriage and children. You need to budget our dates appropriately and make more money.” I am so glad I did that because he wasn’t helping me with any bills, rent, nails, etc…taking me on dates was the LEAST he could do.

It really is simple, you want a man that will take pride in making your life easier NOT pat you on the back for how much you can endure.

If he didn’t pay then he didn’t pay. That’s it. Provider men don’t have to be asked or tricked into providing, they do so because they genuinely enjoy it and see the value in it. If him not paying is a dealbreaker then break up with him because he won’t change. Some women are ok with a more 70/30 split, but that really depends on the individual.

It's not really about you projecting a vibe, it's more just a matter of relentless filtering. I've met the kind of guy who always pays and he generally finds it emasculating to not pay - he'll be eager to do it regardless of what you do. Anyone who doesn't do that should just be ghosted.

If a man wants to pay, he will do so.

It may be that he is unsure whether you would like to pay for yourself. But then if he's of any value, he will ask politely if you want to pay for yourself, or if he may pay. And then he will pay for you because he is a provider. He will not ask again.

If he's just standing there, waiting for you to pay for yourself, proudly do so and then continue to block and delete him in your way home.

You shouldn’t have moved to pay. Just don’t do anything

Pay for your own things and lifestyle. It's not his job to sponsor you.

Pay for your own things or pay a very expensive price . The price that comes when you let yourself be financially dependent on someone