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Hello ladies, I'd like to ask for your advice:
one of my colleagues is a LVM (I'm trying to keep my distance, but I still have to talk to him because of work, you know.)
So, this LVM colleague has a girlfriend - she's 10 years younger than him and they already own a house together. He has no intention of marrying her or having kids and it seems to me he's just stringing her around and using her services. He sometimes talks bad about her (he's told me they have almost nothing in common and he doesn't like her hobbies). As far as I know, his gf has almost no friends and her life evolves around him. She spends a lot of time at home doing chores and serving him, while he watches porn and talks to other girls. Also, every time he calls her, he asks for something, so it's clear he's just using her. I feel really sorry for her.
I'd like to help this girl (by offering her my friendship and maybe sharing some FDS ideas with her) but the problem is I don't know how to approach her. I've seen her in person a few times but she hasn't looked approachable (I understand she's jealous of me because I spend quite a lot of time with her bf at work). I'd like to tell her there's nothing to worry about because I'm not interested in this LVM guy.
I've already found her profile on social media and was thinking about messaging her, but I don't want to look creepy or snoopy. However, there's little possibility of seeing her in person and talk to her, so messaging is probably the only option...But, what should I text her to sound "normal" and friendly? I'm not used to imposing myself on other people and forcing a friendship. Any ideas?
Thank you in advance! ❤️
I’m confused, why is this your business at all? Imagine if some random started giving you unsolicited relationship advice. Even if it was good advice, you’d probably be taken aback by the gall of someone telling you how you should be living your life.
We can’t save everyone. Let her make her mistakes and learn from them on her own. I can assure you that if you interfere, relationship problems will be blamed on you. Just focus on your own journey.
You leave her with him so you don't get slammed w her redirecting her anger at you. By letting her be you don't enable her to continue to find connection through her dynamic with him. If you stop playing along and being a sympathetic audience, she loses any benefit of being with him
*And you save yourself the frustration!
I don't think you can help her. There's a phenomenon where if you say anything negative about a partner, even when that woman has left that partner, it gets used against you eventually. The only solution is self awareness and you can't give that to a person. Especially if she has started seeing you as a rival, then whatever you say will be a problem even if you're telling the truth.
I think you just have to think about yourself at this point. You are very invested in this woman, to the point where you want to interfere in her life. You work with this man. If you interfered in his personal life, it will probably have repercussions in your work life.
He is an jerk, grey rock him. Don't learn anything about his personal life, don't talk about anything personal with him. Learning more about what a piece of shit he is to his girlfriend will only send you into despair.
What if you secretly record him when he talks bad about her and send it to her or show her in person?
This is not your problem. Stay out of it, this never ends well for the friendly, fluid-boundaried woman in your shoes.
FDS is Noah's arc you can talk to them but you can't make them do what you want them to do.
The best thing you can do is either not be involved at all (don’t sh*t where you eat) or try to collect evidence of his cheating behaviour to send anonymously to her. You can’t pry a woman out of the pickme matrix with words alone, but you can make her angry enough about cheating that she leaves him.
Do NOT approach her. You can’t risk losing your job over this.
I do have an idea though. I’d ask him things like “does she know you don’t want to get married?”
“Do you dislike her hobbies or have you not given them a chance?”
Technically you’re challenging him, but the small way you align yourself with her is to poke holes in his argument, but make it seem like you’re rooting for them as a couple. For example, when he says he dislikes her hobbies, you’re basically telling him to give them a chance, to be fair to his partner. Any dismissiveness or avoidance, and you can say “oh I thought you brought it up because you wanted help.” That way, if he doesn’t want your help, you can refuse to talk about it unless he’s willing to work through to a solution.
If you're looking for the perfect text reply, ATLA has got you covered
I have learned that the question you ask is far more important than showing her the answer.
BUT before you ask the question: as yourself should I say it? #sisi
Do you know it's true?
Is it kind to the person?
Is it helpful to the person?
How a person will receive information is for you to gauge through natural contact and rapport.
If you don't have three resounding "ayes", there is doubt.
Proceed at your own risk. Usually a crumb of doubt should be enough to deter you.
If you don't have natural contact you should leave her alone. Don't make contact with the sole purpose of enlightening her. That's not your place.
#respectboundaries #istheriskworththedoubt
Does she know that he's entertaining other women/talks bad about her? I saw a cousin's boyfriend on OLD and since she's a pick me and I 100% know that she's going to react aggressively to me telling it personally to her, I decided to send her a screenshot on an anonymous account (I believe she has the right know). My cousin is 16 and the guy is 24. They're still together and she loves him a lot. (Recently, her dad found out but he's okay with it)
He's using her. I'm totally into telling women when they're man talks smack about them if I get a chance and it's not forced.
Since she doesn't work with you it might be harder for you to do.