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Let me preface this by saying that I've been lurking around FDS forum for a while but did not post anything. But today I want to seek advice from only FDSers to avoid the risk of getting shitty advice from pickmesha.
Recently I went on a date with this guy who I met in my language class. He at first seems nice and could catch up a conversation with me (which I can tell you, from my experience of online dating, is a gem). But the first red flag already came right before the date: he asked me to meet a restaurant that is conveniently near his place. It was not a busy area, more like a residential neighborhood, not a lot of people I would guess. But still, I was like, maybe I can give him the benefit of doubt that he's familiar with the place 🤡. And he didn't "disappoint" me. At the end of the date, he kind of led me to his place. He didn't ask whether I wanted to go to his place, he just led me because I'm not familiar with the neighborhood, and only until I asked where we were going did he answer. Of course I said no, and he also didn't push. But the fact that he tried to do that turned me off. Also, on hindsight, making a girl going to somewhere near his place (granted it's still quite close to my place) instead of the other way around is a huge turnoff as well.
He asked for a second date the next weekend, which I have scheduled to hang out with my friends in the afternoon, so I told him we can meet in the evening. It's a bit far away from his place so he rescheduled the next next weekend. But at this point, I don’t feel like waiting for 2 weeks for the next date while in between we just kind of exchange text very scarcely. He always texted first but the reply was not super quick and I don't like texting in general. So, I cut him off, telling him directly I don't want to continue meeting (not a fan of ghosting). He was cool with it and that's that.
But I still have this nagging feeling that I may have cut him off too soon? I guess because I kind of enjoyed the date with him and it's been quite a long time since I had a nice date (a result of online dating). Even though that "invitation back home on first date" is a red flag in anyone's eye, the overall advice is still: try going on another date, try not to meet him near his house. But I just feel like he's gonna try again the second date, the third date, etc. Also, the 2 week gap between our date really turned me off. 2 weeks without serious communication to me is so lukewarm to me. But how do I get rid of the nagging feeling that I might regret cutting him off too soon, that maybe it could have turned into something good in the future?
Listen to your intuition. He’s shown that he won’t inconvenience himself to see you, and isn’t so excited about you that he will travel a little further to see you a week sooner. Also trying to take you to his place means he was planning on trying to sleep with you on the first date, which reveals that he is not serious about courtship and pursuing you; he prefers to sleep around.
It’s normal to have a twinge of regret for cutting off a prospect, but better to have a little regret than to waste months or years of your life on a man who was already starting to drop the mask after one date.
I don’t see how anything good might have come out of this in the future. This is a guy who wouldn’t have problems sleeping with you on the first date. Just repeat that to yourself. He doesn’t respect himself so what makes you think he’d respect you, too? And he did it so sheepishly as well “oh, oops, wouldn’t you know it, we’re at my place. What a coincidence haha wanna come in?” 🤦🏻♀️. So no, you’re not missing out on anything good and you did the right thing of cutting him off after the first date. The fact that his response to you not wanting to see him anymore was mediocre and he didn’t want to see you sooner than in 2 weeks is pretty telling as well. He overall sounds like he was not really that into you and just tried to “shoot his shot”. Good riddance. I know it can feel good having a decent date after going throught the scrotery on OLD, but don’t give into the scarcity mindset. No date is still a better date then a date in which the guy would potentially rape you.
Wait. So you went to his neighbourhood on the first date, and he wants the 2nd date to be in his neighbourhood too? That alone is enough to know this man is epically LV.
He obviously wants to have sex with you and has no interest in you as a human being. I have no idea why you would regret cutting him off. The only thing you should be regretting right now is having wasted your time on a single date with a LVM.
I struggle with this as well, even in my late 30s. The in-your-face assholes are easy to weed out. It's the bad-but-not-obviously/immediately-bad ones I have trouble blocking and deleting. But block and delete we must.
The small regret you feel now is nothing compared to the anger, resentment, and betrayal you would have felt if he had used you for sex and discarded you like garbage, as he planned to do.
I repeat: This man had no good intentions towards you. HE WOULD HAVE USED AND DISCARDED YOU LIKE TRASH.
You've dodged a very nasty bullet. Once you get over your momentary regret, you will feel relief and maybe even gratefulness. At least that's how it usually works for me.
Well done on listening to your intuition.
You’re correct. Near his and then led you there? Coercive rapist. 🗑️
your intuition was right. you did good following it and cutting things off early. keep that up!