How to get over not trusting new men you meet?

I don't think we should get over it. I think we should consider them guilty until proven innocent. BUT we must never let them know. I present myself as trusting, kind and sweet, but I'm not really. If most men knew what I really thought of them they'd be surprised.

You don’t and shouldn't get over it. Make him earn your trust.

They have to consistently earn your trust. They’re guilty until proven otherwise. They should be putting your safety and comfort as top priority always and if not, that’s how you know.

Why would you want to get over not trusting men? This is crucial for our safety. The days of being trusting and naive are over. It's constant vetting from the first interaction. Is it fair? NO. Is it needed? YES. Men have proven over and over how they don't care to hurt us and some even enjoy it.

Don’t listen to men, look at their actions instead. That reveals the truth. Don’t assume it’s their version of love and care if their behaviour is considered unpleasant. Don’t tell them what you are looking for or what your deal breakers are because they will use that as a road map to manipulate you. Let them behave like their usual self and with that you can decide.

Dont trust men! Unless and until a man has jumoed through one BILLION hoops to prove to you that they are worthy of your trust, do NOT trust them. And even then, keep your guard up. Your well-being trumps his feelings, always.

Not trusting men is a survival tactic that all women need. I understand how being on your guard constantly can be exhausting, but the alternative is worse.

I know how it feels to be on your guard around men, specially because I have a family background of DV so I need to be much more careful with the men I date. So one thing that works for me is to always trust my judgement about the situation and put my safety first( as I am a very cautious person…). If I feel uncomfortable in any sort of way about something he said or did, even if it may not seem anything obviously abusive I distance myself and try to not give him the benefit of the doubt.

Agree with everyone else. Trust is earned.

You let men invest in you and maximize your benefit, every day. If he lies and manipulates you, your only loss is being manipulated.

I recommend reading ‘why does he do that?’ And ‘gift of fear’ and also my personal favorite - study dating reality shows to see if you can catch the red flags early.

You don't. The data is sound.

We don't have to take responsibility.

Most of the time it's not a woman's choice when a man decides to harass her for a date or sex or stalk her when she won't give him what he wants or attack her when he feels entitled to. We don't get choices when we are fawning out of fear of being raped or murdered.

It's not our responsibility. It's men's responsibility. We shouldn't have to vet constantly. It's exhausting. Men should just be HV. There is nothing about men dating relationships or even sex that I want to ever experience again. Waste of my life time. Life's good and stress free without.

I don't believe women that have been mentally emotionally and physically abused are "uptight". I don't believe we need to have "good vibes or energy" when we know what men are really like. Narcissists don't wait 3 months to show their double life, they can waste years. I don't believe women should have to care if a man likes her "bad vibes or energy". If she's triggered, it's gut instinct she should listen and trust herself. Women don't have to trust men or anyone. New or old, it's their job to prove they are trustworthy.

Two things for you: (1) Natalie Clarice: 'Every Man is not your Ex' (2) Check out the book 'Sis, Don't Settle' where the author talks about getting clear on these kind of beliefs and choosing new ones to move forward with. Faith Jenkins from memory is the Author. ALSO, you may still need time to heal and may not be ready to entertain the idea of letting a new man into your life. That is totally fine. If you're still consumed by these feelings, take your time, get strong, heal, and only when you're ready and feel like a man would be a great addition to your already great life, then go out there. Love on yourself. Trust yourself.