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I recently had experiences if dates that did not go so well. Nothing outlandishly crazy, but it's usually with what these men say that gives me the "ick". I don't like causing a scene, but I just know that we're not going to work out. Rather than enduring the treatment, what should I do?
Would it be alright to just excuse myself and call an Uber home, and cancel all upcoming plans?
I went on a very demeaning date. He was trying to hook up with me and was pulling all these tricks to get me to sleep with him. The breaking point was when he used to the age old trick by saying that relationships are like cars and that you have try it out first. It made my skin crawl, but I just stayed there like a polite girl that smiled politely. I blame myself for not saying anything in that moment. I never want to be in this situation again because it was embarrassing. I've only ever dated one guy and no one has ever said those things to me.
What would you have done? What would be the most politest and conflict free resolution to any future dates likes this?
I'm going to finally echo the "read the handbook" sentiment.
Sis just get up and walk away. You don't have to say anything if you don't want. Here are some other options too:
-Announce "You suck" and then get up and leave.
-Announce something less personal like "This date sucks" or "This isn't going to work out, have a nice day" and then leave.
-Make up a lie like "I forgot to shut the oven off" then leave.
-Carry a firearm to assuage your fear of angering his weak ass when you LEAVE.
There is nothing you can do to prevent the man from escalating a conflict if that's what he's going to do. Girl just leave.
I used to try so hard to politely end things in order to avoid conflict. It doesn’t work. Men like this don’t say “Ok, thanks for being upfront. Good luck to you!” They always, always throw in a passive aggressive comment at the very least.
If someone is being demeaning, just get up and leave. For your safety, it’s best for you to pretend you’re going to the restroom, leave, and then text him once you’re in your car a good distance away. Then block and delete him on everything. I personally wouldn’t bail like this just because the date isn’t going well, but I would if I felt I was being disrespected. We don’t have to tolerate it.
"I have a really bad migraine coming on, I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave. Have a good night."
This is what I say to get out of any shitty situation, not just a bad date.
For my own safety, I will not say anything more, even if he was being a jerk. While I would love to tell it like it is, I value my safety first and foremost. Migraine. Leave. Block and Delete.
Please block men who want a free trial to your body. A man can get off screwing a fold in his couch so don't fall for it. The way he sees it is if he fails to please you, he don't give a shit because he got laid and he can just blame you for being "hard to please".
You are overthinking. Say "Sorry, I don't think it's going to work out. Have a good rest of the evening/day." Walk away. You can't control the other person's reaction.
Remember in movies or tv shows when a guy said something inappropriate on a date and the woman threw water or a drink in their face and left… que laugh track… think of that energy but no need to throw the drink.
Seriously though, make up a benign excuse and leave. Safety first.
If he has the nerve to say something like "relationships are like cars and that you have try it out first." to you, he is outing himself as totally unsafe. In such a situation I would 'go to the bathroom'. ie leave. You don't own anyone who speaks to you like that any modicum of decency, and any kind of 'communication' whatsoever will likely only lead to further confrontation and disrespect (at best).
Tip: If you're finding this is occuring repeatedly, perhaps you are missing something in your vetting process before accepting a date. I recommend re/reading the handbook.
Good luck, and stay safe.
Honestly, as the others mention- never ever be afraid to just be a "rude bitch" and walk away. But if you ever find yourself in this type of scenario and you are too shy in the moment to do so, you can always just say you don't believe in sexual activity (of any sorts) before marriage. If you want- you can also add that you don't believe in marriage before three years dating minimum lmfao.
In these situations I've just walked out. Sometimes I'll just head to the washroom and call an Uber, wait for it to arrive and then announce "well sorry but I can't stay, my Uber is here" and dip. I did that when a guy showed up super drunk to the date, for example.
If you feel safe to do so, please don't feel the need to "people please" these men by lying. Men like this rely on the usual politeness of women so they can "score" by backing you into a corner. Practice having boundaries and sticking to them, as well as being honest. That's helped me develop my confidence a lot in asking for what I want and telling people how I feel.