How to decenter men from my life?

First off, good for you for prioritizing your healing!!! YES! I love this question and I thought forever about how to respond to it. I wish I had detailed and concise advice for you, but I did two years single after an abusive relationship too and then did 2 more to focus on finishing a degree. It really just took a lot of time alone for me. I actively dove into myself and my dating history and then even further back into my family history to figure out why men remained such a central part of my being. Figuring out my Why's? really got me away from centering them... At the end of it all, I think I mostly came to the conclusion that with societal brainwashing and my family dynamics, I almost didn't stand a chance to not be that way. Once I figured these things out fully, I was able to forgive myself, release them, and actually feel truly free. I think diving into these things is integral for healing up, leveling up, and decentering men.

Some other things that helped:

1. Yoga. I did it daily in hopes to get fit but I was astounded at what it did for my mental state and learning to truly value myself. It was the first time ever that I felt really only centered on me in a healthy way. It really was enlightening.

2. Time in nature. Lots of hiking, lots of walks in the park.

3. Truly pampering myself and eating right. It's hard to give a fuck about a random man when I feel good, look good. I can look at a man and fully understand just by his looks that he's not capable of treating me as well as I treat myself. Even attractive ones, I know their looks can be deceiving. Building our self esteem makes it easy to not put any of them on a pedestal (where we belong).

4. Having a busy and full life. I've found that I attract more HVM when I'm not interested in men at all and just living my life, doing my hobbies, staying busy with things I love. They have always fallen into place in my life when I gave zero fucks about any man liking me, looking at me, anything... and was truly focused only on me.

   
   

There is no bus, btw. If you were 89 years old and talking like this, you still didn't miss a bus. Your journey is your journey and you should honor the hard work you've done and not beat yourself up for slipping up sometimes. Just keep at it; it's an ongoing process. I think that one of the patriarchy's dirtiest tricks is making us feel fervent to find a man and like time is running out, because it just isn't and when we are in that mindset is when we tend to accept the filthiest of scrotes.

I know it's winded, but I hope this helps. Btw none of this happened until my late 20s early 30s!

You decenter men by centering YOU. it's that simple. Its a muscle you build by regularly, frequently, consistently practicing prioritising yourself. then when you come to a 'pressure point' (ie you get 'tested'), your muscle is already stronger and so it's easier to discern/feel/sense what is right for you, and what isn't. OR, if you slip up, you catch yourself, MUCH SOONER and are able to self correct faster.

Get into the drivers seat of your life. build a beautiful life that is at the highest standards. You won't think twice about a low value man having access to that, have much firmer boundaries, and, the RIGHT man will jump at the opportunity to be a VALUE giving part of that.

Fill your life up with beauty and healthy relationships, center YOU, your dreams, goals, values, standards.

I like observationwithmyeeyes on tiktok when it comes to pick-me recovery strategy and shifting to me-first mindset

I have the same fear. But I try to center myself and remember all the time I chose badly and ignored red flags because I thought this was my final opportunity. I barely date because they all multidate. Had I centered men I'd be begging some scrote to pick me over some slut. Nope, I refuse.