How to Cope with Being Tired of Being Single?

One of the mistakes I think people make is acting like their life will finally start or become more interesting once they are coupled. One thing that has helped me is sitting in a quiet room and imagine this: Start with a ‘worst’ case scenario: what would my life look like if I never find a partner? What would you do to make the art of living fun for you if you knew in advance and it was guaranteed that you would never meet a partner. Would you start a business, travel the world, write a novel, volunteer somewhere, invent something, master a craft, be the best in the world at something? How would you make life fun for yourself regardless of whether you meet someone or not. Once you have your answers, pretend like you’re not going to meet anyone and start enjoying just the fact that you’re alive.

That’s not to say you won’t try to date when the opportunity presents itself but it shouldn’t be the focal point of your life, it shouldn’t stress you out this much. Once you get to a point where you’re content with your life alone; and you’d know you are because you just find that you’ve stopped being envious of coupled people. Once you get to that point you’ve won. Dating would just be the icing on top of the cake that is your life. There’s so much to do. There’s so much to learn about yourself; so much to explore in the world. Start there and come back to dating once you are fully content with your life as a single woman.

It is so much better to feel a hole in your life than to have the hole filled by a LVM who will leave you with lasting trauma, guilt, regret, financial troubles, and fear for your safety.

I was incredibly single until my early 20s, then started dating a LVM. I got swept up in the thrill, and dating him for years permanently negatively altered the course of my life and my psyche. In hindsight, I wish I could have chosen differently.

Eventually I dumped him and later found FDS, was celibate for years, and started dating in an extremely selective manner. Around age 30 I’ve finally met a HVM who is changing my life for the better. All this to say, continue to practice gratitude, patience, self-love, and I do believe a loving relationship with a worthy partner will be in your future.

Don’t have the feeling that nothing will change for you. What you are doing right now is the best thing you can do for yourself. Study, work hard, and become financially independent. You don’t want to be in just any relationship. If it’s not happening now, let it be and shift your energy and focus on where it matters.

Do group activities and dance classes or something fun so you don’t feel the loneliness. Whatever you can do with a man you can do with a friend of yours except sex so there is a lot you can do not to feel lonely. Feel free to date and have a rotation but you are still very young. I had an arranged marriage at the age of 22 and my first child at 27. That impacted my career a lot because my ex who was 12 years older than me kept focusing on his career while mine never mattered. Have fun, travel and enjoy your life. You are in your prime time to set yourself up for success. One relationship with a bad man/LVM will ruin your momentum.

DO NOT LOSE FOCUS BECAUSE OF SOME D**K.

I hope the “shaping up to be quite the catch” was just because your friend phrases things poorly. While I applaud your education and self-improvement, you don’t need to change in order to meet any standard. Set your own standard.

Focus on what you want your life to be and live it so that if a man comes along he compliments it. I think when we see a gap in our lives, when we’re in a relationship it gets filled with his interests. I’m currently curating my dream life so that if I meet a man I have a +1 but it’s already full.

I understand the feeling of wanting a relationship, humans are wired to seek attachment. However, which relationships around you are truly enviable? For me, on the rare occasion I wished I had a partner (I was never the type to actively desire it out of the blue, there had to be a prospect), it was for one of those reasons:

- I thought life could be easier with a "teammate". Keep in mind most men are not team players in relationships, quite the opposite. To that end, a female best friend or relative is a much better option.

- Which brings me to the next point: for romantic relationships, there is a sort of script, and strong feelings driving you to play it out and continuously seek each other's presence. All that is not as strong in friendships, or at least our society seems to have forgotten (and therefore doesn't teach us) the art of friendship. It seems easier to find someone interested in dating you than to find someone willing to be your friend. I notice people are getting very non-committal and flaky these days in general, and this hits friendships hardest. So we seek commitment by seeking romantic relationships. The solution? Concentrate on those people who are willing to show up for you. We tend to forget those and not think of them as "interesting" when we are used to drama and hurt. We need to work on ourselves and actually reward commitment instead of pushing it away subconsciously.

- I thought certain activities are only couple activities. But there's no rule, you can go out to dinner or the spa alone or with a friend.

I understand where you’re coming from, OP, and my heart goes out to you. My advice would be to address some of your negative thinking patterns with a therapist, if you can afford it. It’s easy to let one thought such as “nothing will ever happen for me romantically” spiral into depression. What we believe about ourselves can sometimes sabotage us and our growth. I’m 39 and single. I have good day and bad days with singledom. I think anyone who wants a loving relationship has these feelings from time to time, and they are valid. Don’t beat yourself up about it, and keep your standards high. ❤️

remember your past bad experiences with men. if that doesn't work, go out with a scrote. he'll refresh your memory.

Wait till you hit your 30s, just about all of those couples will be broken up or divorced, some onto their second marriages.

In my country, marriage is not a goal and there is less pressure. Enjoy your 20s, travel, have fun and spend time with female friends.

Make a big long list of all the things you ever wanted to do, no matter how ridiculous or frivolous and work through them!

An old reddit post about the HVW journey said that levelling up with the thoughts of “when will my HVM arrive?” or “what will a HVM think of me?” or “how can I finally attract a HVM” is still a pickme mindset and outsourcing your happiness from other people.

You don’t want to risk getting a HVM in your life with this mindset because if the relationship dwindles, you’ll persist out of fear of being single again.

Only you can change that mindset of being sick of singledom. Maybe start journaling or see a therapist. Create a healthy mindset that embraces your current life so you can accept yourself with how you are now, single and all.

It helps to think in more concrete terms about what exactly you feel like you're missing in your life. Often it's possible to come to the conclusion that you can get what you actually want without going through the trouble of getting a man.

I used to want a wedding, but it was really because I like pretty dresses and cake. Well, eventually I realized I can get plenty of pretty dresses and cake without a whole wedding.

You feel like you're getting bum-rushed when you dine alone? There are plenty of restaurants, they are not all like that. I've found some favourite places that treat me great.

I've even gone to Halloween horror events alone - none of my friends like Halloween, they are all too scared and/or too Christian. I really wanted to go, so I went. I had a blast, I liked shocking the actors in scary costumes. They almost went out-of-character a little bit like "wait, you're here by yourself? Aren't you scared?" It was hilarious. I'm like "Yeah I'm scared! Isn't getting scared the whole point?"

I used to feel that hole, too. Now I feel whole. Maybe some people wouldn't consider my life picture perfect, but that doesn't matter. It's important to gain some sense of contentment - but this is something that comes with age. Of course in younger days, you want to get out in the world and see what you can get, that's normal.

Some people, instead of gaining inner peace, have that hole turn into a bottomless pit that can't be filled no matter how many other people they try to use to plug that hole. Steer clear of those people. Avoid becoming one of them. You seem already aware of this pitfall, and you're not just grasping at anything to fill that hole, so you are already off to a good start!

Just always remember, the real way get rid of that hole comes from inside you, not from others.

Self care. Get a nice hot bath. Treat yourself to a hair mask. Cook for yourself and try out something you never had before. Go out to eat and make smalltalk with others there. Give yourself a nice manicure, pedicure. Put together a fun new outfit. Buy some new clothes. Or make yourself your own home-made clothes. Whatever fits your budget and abilities (if knitting is your thing: it is very relaxing). Read a book. Watch a movie. Talk with friends about said movie. Play a video game (really: some games are women-friendly). Have fun.

You may be right. Nothing may ever change. You said it yourself: Some of them are actually unhappy. When you're older, you'll realize that most of them are very unhappy because of the man. Almost all husbands resent their wives.

But in the meantime, try flirting extra hard with the guy in your class. Smile, compliment him a lot, give him one or two overtly sexy looks, use your eyes.

Being alone sucks, but it's far, far better than being with the wrong guy, and 99.9999% of them are the wrong guy.