How long do you usually wait before saying I love you in a relationship?

You need that safety net of him saying I love you first because saying that you love him first shows your hand. Him saying he loves you first means that he is committed to you. If you say you love him first, that means he has the power and he can now do whatever he fucking wants. You are showing commitment and that you will now put up with whatever bullshit he throws your way. You saying you love him first doesn't get him to consider whether he loves you or not and then breaks up with you if he doesn't love you. He will just use you until he finds someone that he actually loves.

If he doesn't say that he loves you in the same timeline that you love him, it's a loss. Because you are now more invested in him than he is in you.

Principle of Least interest: The party with the least interest in the relationship controls the relationship.

You need that control because men are not responsible with the power they hold over you. Men will use you for sex. Men will use you for money. Men will use you for whatever resources you have and then trash you like they never owed you anything. Just ask all the first wives who were divorced cause the men made it with their help, and now those men are with young beautiful women who never had to give them anything.

Don't say I love you first.

I think this varies by person/couple, but I do also believe that men should say it first.

My current boyfriend said it to me after about 3 months of dating. We are both in our early 30s. That may be too soon by some people’s standards, but it was right for us. His affection and effort was consistent up to that point (and only continues to increase), and he did all the work to show me he loved me… I was 100% certain that he did before he said it. He courted me and made me feel safe and secure in the relationship, which allowed me to open up my heart to him.

For me, I had been single for years and was not quick to warm up to any man. Sure, I thought I loved him in those big, special, romantic moments where I felt overcome with “warm and fuzzy” feelings. But I was SURE I loved him in moments when he hadn’t done anything special at all—just being himself, and me cherishing that.

The effort and commitment was there, which created enough emotional safety for me to fall in love. Nothing in life is guaranteed of course, but the bar should be quite lofty for a man to clear before you open your heart to him. And, he should say it first.

Ok so

1. He should say it first

2. He should actually mean it, shown through his actions and not just words

3. No lovebombing. Saying 'i love you' too soon is a red flag

4. You should also feel the same way towards him. If you dont feel the same way towards him don't say it just to avoid confrontation or hurting his feelings or thinking 'oh maybe i can see myself loving him in future'

I did the 4th mistake seriously don't do it 🥲

As others have said, let him say it first. But I personally don't think he should take longer than 3 months. No sooner than 1 month, no later than 3. Just what I'm comfortable with.

Personally I think somewhere around 4-6 months is right. I've had 2 experiences where I realized at 6 months that it was too long to date someone I could see I wasn't falling in love with, so I ended those relationships. With my current boyfriend I started feeling I was falling in love around 4 months or so, and I waited for him to say it first which was around 5 months. If it had gotten to 6 months without him saying it, I would have had a conversation about it. I think someone should know by 6 months.

Things like long distance, or not seeing each other regularly could alter the timeline, but this has been what's felt right for me in my limited experience.

Til he says it. And if he doesn't say it and I realize it and it hurts my feelings, then I move along. And if he says it too early, or I don't trust that he means it I move along.

Unpopular opinion, but I don’t agree with the three month rule. My ex said it to me in three months, and I was caught off guard. He was also upset I didn’t say it back to him. At the time, I had just gotten to know him as a person. In truth if he had waited a little longer it would have been okay.

Personally, I think that there really isn’t a specified timeline, but I do agree that it should not happen so soon. I agree that it should be the guy that confesses, but timing is also important to delivering these important words. I think that the guy should also be strategic in how he delivers these words.

I take quite long to say it. My partner did it after around 4 to 5 months, I don't remember exactly. I wouldn't have said it earlier myself. Like another commenter said, I was certain of his love even before he spoke the words, so it wasn't too early either.

I wait until he says it but if he doesn't say it within the first 3 months of dating I would just end it. I'd never do anything sexual with a man until he says it. I've only been in relationships with two guys: the first was eventually diagnosed with AvPD after dumping me years later, and he did say it within 3 months but while we were both on MDMA (massive red flag - turns out he had hidden addiction issues - but I was 19 and pre-FDS and stupid). My second/current partner said it within 3 months too but he said it sober and it felt very natural and not alarming. You sort of have to strike a balance between avoiding being love-bombed but also avoiding avoidant men. I've always had trouble with the latter, so I'm extra vigilant about that. I also have two friends who IMO are way better partners than me (one is much better looking and the other is a lot more caring/empathetic and a better conversationalist). The first one's boyfriend still hasn't said it to her and they've been dating for 2 years now. They started out as fwbs too and the fact that he's had past fwbs is a recurrent problem in their relationship that bothers her. Meanwhile the second one's boyfriend took 1.5 years to say it to her. He always makes her take the train out to see him (he lives 2 hours away) and simps after his one co-worker (he even wanted to ditch my friend and her family to cat-sit for the coworker on Christmas day). So uh, yeah, being slow to say I love you is a massive, massive red flag.

I say it before I even get into a relationship with someone. Why would I get in a relationship with them if I don't love them? Ideally, we were hanging out as friends and that caused me to fall in love. But to make this more FDS aligned, I now wait until they say it first. Which they never do, so I don't have to say I love you any more.