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I thought I would share (certain details have been changed for privacy)
I had had a string of crap relationships in my 20s (lazy LVMs) and I was well and truly fed up with men and dating.
A very wise friend said to me "If you want a long-term relationship, the man must chase the woman," and somehow that piece of advice embedded in my brain and changed my approach. I decided to date multiple men, and ruthlessly cut them off at the first sign of anything unsuitable. Thus began my new approach. I was bold, I asked important questions on first dates and vetted hard. If our outlook didn't match--NEXT!
I had met a few men who I was seeing regularly but no-one who was a perfect match.
Then I went into a shop that sold furniture made from recycled timber and my life changed forever.
I saw an incredibly attractive guy working in the shop and I was struck by him immediately. I could barely speak, but I thought, dammit, you have to do this so I awkwardly struck up a conversation and uttered the words "Did you make this table?" Not a great opening line, but better than nothing and a conversation soon flowed. I had no idea if this man was single or not, but I knew not to chase.
About once a month I would drop into the furniture store and browse or buy something simple (like a carved wooden spoon). Did I flirt with him? I don't know, but he was funny and he made me laugh and smile. Each time I dropped in, if "the guy" was there, he would always chat to me, and if I bought something, he would give me a discount well below the marked price.
Now, I thought, either this guy gives everyone discounts, or he is trying to signal that he is into me. I then decided to bring in a coat-stand that needed repairing (they also did furniture repairs) which meant I had to leave my phone number and they would call me when it was done. I got a phone call a few days later and it was "the guy" asking me out on a date. I said yes, but I was wary. I did not want to lose my head over some guy who I hardly knew. On the date I was cool but friendly and so it began...I vetted hard and after about 6 months I felt satisfied that he had met all the standards that I held and it was time to stop seeing other men and time to be exclusive.
I guess the lesson from this is that you can meet men anywhere. I do think it is important to date multiple men and NEXT them as soon as they prove unsuitable. Striking up a conversation is not "chasing", and if he wanted to he would (but you have to register that you are at least interested in him--just chat and be friendly).
I am very greatful to the FDS mods, team and community. You are empowering women and changing lives for the better 😍
So cute! Yeah just dropping a really simple comment or smiling at a guy should be enough for him to engage if he's interested, then it's up to us to be the ruthless judges
This is so amazing and so cute!! 🥰 and it warms my heart reading this!! This also one of the reasons why I’m glad I left online dating. You can vet so much more just by the first encounter and even that would help you decide whether you would smile and make a small comment with a man. I can imagine that even seeing your husband working that first day and each subsequent day you came by the store you could see how he treated customers and his fellow coworkers. Which probably helped you’re vetting process. Thank you so much for sharing this ☺️
@Noemie Mathilde This was the cutest "drop the handkerchief" story I've read. I'm happy for you, you deserve the best. 😌
I'm so glad you shared this. I love FDS for cutting through the bullshit and reinforcing strong boundaries and high standards.
Thank you, great tips. I feel though that alot of women already vet dating ruthlessly and cut on sight of mask falling. The problem is too many men feel entitled and treat women like we don't have a brain or heart. The problem is men, not women. There's not much point to trying to meet men when they do nothing but use and abuse. I don't have any way of meeting a partner but I'm really sick of getting mental torture and abuse online so I'm not worried about staying single. I'm happier without, they do fuk all in bedroom dept yet expect everything and drain my time money and effort. They support me with nothing, show interest in nothing and actually hinder me from progressing in life. Too much hassle to be bothered. I can't actually list one reason I want one in my life for. I don't need one for making a family either and I'm very concerned about even adding another to the world of incels etc what's the point in adding another potential abuser to the ever growing pool. They'll all end up killing each other eventually, men have the problem of themselves, when they wipe each other out with all their selfish ego and violence. This isn't me learning the hard way through a long relationship that ended badly, these are my experiences of just trying to get a first date. I don't go on any coz I see straight away the low quality after only a handful of compatibility questions I ask. The quality of men is really that low, no exaggeration. Every single women I know can't be bothered to date anymore.
Thank you for sharing :)
This is so wholesome! This is a nice reminder that FDS tactics work. 🥰 Thank you for sharing this adorable story
This is adorable 🥰 I love a meet cute
Thank you for sharing!
Love this!