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I’ve read the handbook and he need to establish commitment first before he gets something from you but a dude was committed for a handful of months and some even a whole year but when I said no to sex I get left behind and in many cases ghosted.
The worst part I truly believed that I was loved by them and that I mean something. Imagine if I gave in, then I would have been tossed to the side and tell his buddies I’m a whore.
I know men will always try to follow a road map to your resources and body but how do you know for sure he’s not a fck boy? Or a man with the intention of pump and dump?
The reason why I say no to sex because 1 I want to be recognised by the state as partners first. Here where I am there is registered partnership for anyone, Its cheaper than marriage less benefits but at least you have a form of protection Incase he knocks you up and claim the child isn’t his. And he also gives you the security that he’s truthful.
And 2 he needs to prove that he doesn’t have any aids by doing a blood test, I will go for him too so that he also can feel safe if we decide to do the act.
3. He has to provide proof that he has no criminal records before I commit fully to him.
But so far men respond very negative towards my wishes. And I feel like I might never find someone.
I think the only answer that comes close is to make him spend money over a long period of time. The more he spends on you, the less likely he is to pump and dump. But even this is not a good indicator.
A truth that you may come to is that being alone is better than being with a horrible man. If so far men have responded negatively, it means you have done vetting correctly. You're not trying to be liked by all men. You only need to be liked by the right man.
The good news is that making men jump through hoops like STD tests and paying for stuff weeds out most of the trash men. The sneakiest ones will pass those tests, but they will do the intermittent reinforcement thing or begin emotional abuse tactics.
The only way to avoid being pumped and dumped by a man is simply to wait to have sex within the confines of marriage but a lot women will say “Hell no!” to this because a lot of women also have the mentality of "test driving the car" before they buy it.
If a man only wants sex from a woman and doesn’t see her as his dream girl, then nothing will change his mind. Him spending money on the woman won’t change how he thinks about her. Him dating her for 1 month or 1 year won’t change how he thinks about her. Whether she’s a one night stand, friend with benefits or a girlfriend, it doesn’t matter. He views her in a specific way and won’t change his mind about it.
A lot of men will do what they need to do to seem like decent men, only to get sex and disappear. Women who think that they can make a man commitment-minded don’t understand men. Even this whole “date him for three months then sleep with him” strategy won’t work because if the man only wants sex, then he’ll leave once he gets it. Some men aren’t patient enough to wait for sex while some men will play a very long game and wait for the woman to sleep with him before eventually ghosting her. And let’s be clear, he’s sleeping with other women while waiting on the woman he wants to sleep with, to change her tune.
No man would get married to a woman just to sleep with her and even if some guys like that do exist, the woman can make it very hard for him, through what she’d get from him through a divorce which I think most men can foresee happening, which is why the only type of men that would wait for sex, even waiting as far as marriage, tend to be HV men.
I feel like the probability of being pumped and dumped is kind of orthogonal to how long you make someone wait to have sex with you. If a guy has lots of other options then he won't be willing to wait a while but if someone doesn't have other options he'll wait until a better option comes along.
I think other vetting strategies like vetting his overall honesty / character / how he treats you / his views on porn / how he treats other women / who his friends are, is the only way. Sure many of them can fake it but usually not very well or for very long. Also there are lots of reasons why someone might break up with you after a year, maybe they just don't think you are compatible. Getting ghosted is terrible behavior though.
No matter how harshly I vet, because I date men no matter what happens to end the relationship I ALWAYS FEEL TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. That’s why my strategy — currently Zero Engagement, but that my change — is ruthless. I’ll be damned if I’m cavalier about access to my body ever again, even in serious relationships where he paid for everything. Men are the coddled sex and will not betray their own need to benefit at my expense.
at this point in my life, if he isn't providing food, funds and fun, the deal is off. NEXT.
Listen to the FDS podcast episode on rotational dating (Scrotation).
Even if he's jumped through the hoops, and leaves after sex, well, you'll have other men on your dating roster...
Sex before marriage is sin for a reason.