How Do You Feel About Men Who Do Not Want to Talk About Their Past Relationships?

My spider sense is tingling because he seems to be the victim in all these past encounters. This is highly unlikely.

I think you might be dealing with a guy with a fetish for certain types of women and the vague answers are meant to keep things murky

His unwillingness to talk about past relationships is a yellow flag at least. You are not over-thinking.

However, I don't think it's the biggest deal in the world, as long as he brings 100% to your relationship. I have met men who were not proactively willing to discuss their romantic history; in a minority of cases, they turned out to be OK. I would rather be with a man who is slightly unwilling to talk about his past relationships than a man who won't shut up about his past relationships. I've dated both types, and the latter is truly unbearable.

I'm more concerned that he might have a black/Asian fetish. Any man with a POC fetish is a neon red flag. You really can't have a relationship with these types, as they'll always see you through their fetish lens. If you think he might have a fetish, you need to run.

I have questions/thoughts because much of this is worrying.

- Does he only date black or Asian women? If so, run a mile.

- I doubt his ex cheated on him. I mean, it’s not impossible, but it’s very unlikely.

- Two red flags: a) Longest relationship was 8 months and he’s 30. There is something very wrong here. b) He won’t be honest or specific about his past when you ask about it. This indicates he’s hiding something, or he’s emotionally stunted. Both are grounds for dumping him.

I'm more concerned that you are calling this male your boyfriend after only 3 weeks. We don't have sex for a minimum of 3 month while vetting hard, even when we do have sex we continue vetting. Seems like you already had sex with him and are now are emotionally attached. This whole ex gf thing should have been vetted prior to sex. But now that's too late. So you can try to find old pictures of his past relationships on social media if you wanted to see the ex's and maybe find so answers. Cause he isn't going to tell you. Even if he did, it would be HIS version of events, leaving out the woman's side.

It's probably preferable to one who won't shut up about their exes (!!) BUT ideally you want a healthy exchange (without as FDS advices giving too much away that a LVM can use) at the very beginning about recent exes... defo watch out for victim whining, you want someone who can own their role in a break up and relationship, and okay if they were cheated on out of the blue, maybe they have looked at why that happened and why they chose the wrong type of person: Bottom line is that each relationship should be a lesson not a victory....

I don't really have any advice, but I've been on the other side of this and I don't really know how to have the conversation while newly dating someone.

I've had 4 long term relationships and all of them have broken up with me seemingly out of nowhere and never been give a meaningful reason why. The script goes something like this - they say I don't love you anymore and I want to break up. I ask why they never told me there was an issue in the first place and they just shrug their shoulders and say that's how they feel. End of discussion. It causes a lot of hurt in addition to the grief of the relationship ending.

All 4 of them would then contact me months/years later and apologise for how they treated me and saying they wished they had tried harder. Not sure why they think that's supposed to make me feel better.

I was seeing a new guy and out at a bar with some of his friends. I overheard his friends asking him why I was single and he said he didn't know and briefly explained my previous relationships. The guys were all in complete agreement that if there was nothing obviously wrong with me, then women like me are not worth bothering with if I keep having the same result. My date agreed and then ghosted me.

I genuinely can't explain why my relationships keep ending and I am ashamed to have to explain this to new partners. I deliberately keep it vague because I don't like re-living the humiliation and still having no answers even years later.

If I were you and the guy is displaying lots of green flags otherwise, I would keep vetting and maybe talk a little more about communicating and effort that you would appreciate in a relationship and see if he respects that. I generally don't like cutting men any slack, but 30 is still young and if he is learning and growing from past relationships and is genuinely making an effort with you, then I would keep going.

Healthy partnerships aren't built on knowing every nook and cranny about someone's past imo. If you feel like you keep needing to ask him about his past, ask yourself WHY. Has he given any more red flags? Is he vague about anything else? Does he move a lot? Change jobs a lot?

Sometimes when guys give vague answers, it’s because it is BS and they don’t want to get caught messing up the details. Be on high alert with any guy that is the victim in all his past relationships. Even if he doesn’t come right out and say he ex was a bitch or crazy… he is describing them that way. It’s the same red flag as “all my exes were crazy” just better masked. I’m guessing if you continue, and pay attention to the stories or things he says it will start not matching up. I wouldn’t stay around for it. If you do, start keeping a journal… if someone is manipulative and gaslighting you, it’s hard to pin down what they said before.

Give him the benefit of the doubt (which we should never do btw) he is still communicating that he is still hurt over these past situations. Like the ex that didn’t love him 😒 also why would a guy says this??? Pitty party.

Sob stories = trying to lure you in by pretending to be a victim in his past relationships. Do not trust his version of the events. He's probably lying.

Guys who doesn't want to answer questions = will likely hide things from you in the future.

"Those were " traumatic events' and he doesn't want to dicuss it? " = Sounds like he's not over them, or he's hiding something.

It's just my take. I might be wrong.