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These three women at work are suddenly being very catty during meetings, dismissing my work during projects, copying me last on emails, vying for the boss's attention, passive aggressive remarks during project , etc. There's plausible deniability with a lot of these things and they seem Innocent but at the same time it's making me feel sad because I love the job. I try and get along with everyone and these are more 'strong and competitive' personalities. What should I do in response? I don't want to step on any toes but I want to be assertive yet kind and let them know this is childish and I won't play these games.
The main reason I think this is happening is because I have some responsibilities and directly report to the boss while they report to others who report to the boss. We're all similar ages and stages in our career. They've asked me to relenquish some of my responsibilities to them for a project we work on so they can have more facetime with management (which I was happy to do and did) but the cattiness continues.
My initial thought is to try and meet with them one-on-one, have lunch and see if we can reach common understanding and build a positive work relationship OR just spend more time with the seasoned workers (who don't do this) but I wonder what you ladies think?
DO NOT cOmMunICaTe with these women!
Clearly, they have drawn battle lines and YOU are not on their "team".
The best thing for you to do is to play the dumb fox role.
If you haven't yet, it's only a matter of time before someone mentions the "tension" between you.
This is a test! Your objective is to convince them that you didn't sense ANY tension- that you think they are all absolutely awesome!
DO NOT continue to allow them to relinquish your responsibilities for a project. BELIEVE me these catty women are likely spinning your "graciously letting them have the project they want" into "OMG she doesn't want to work!"
What would a dumb fox do? Be oblivious to their obvious cliquishness, do her work, not get involved in any office drama, not give fuck about building relationships with SNAKES.
I agree with Eden Lane - I've found dumb fox doesn't work with that kind of malicious passive aggressiveness - in fact they seem to count on not being dealt with more "directly". In this case I would start documenting everything and speak candidly about it to your boss. Talk about how much your love your work, but express your concerns with how your job and ability to do said work is being impacted by these "problem coworkers". You might be surprised by how supportive management can be... and if not, it will probably subdue them enough for you to be able to make a lateral move, which tends to be good for your career anyway.
I've had this happen twice, unfortunately both with other women. The first time I tried to dumb fox my way through it, but it just got worse and worse. What finally worked was just calling it out everytime that happened - i.e., "oh wow, that was rude! Did you mean to be rude?" The second time was a more delicate situation, as it was with a supervisor. I ended up dealing with it for about 3 years, gaslighting myself and letting it impede my progress, until finally I cracked and went to another boss. She totally had my back and let me transition to working under her more directly. In this case neither of us confronted my problem supervisor, but basically restructured my role to create distance. This was during my PhD, so the rest of my committee was in on it too. Ironically I think problem supervisor could tell something was up, and suddenly was on her absolute best behaviour for the rest of my program. Go figure 🙄
Both times I really grieved the amount of time I lost to shitty people before I dealt with the situation. Please know you have more power than you think. Don't wait, have these conversations. Proceed carefully, but please reach out to people. If this workplace is toxic enough to not support you in here in nipping this in the bud, hustle to get another job (preferably with a hefty pay rise to compensate yourself for dealing with this bullshit). Your productivity will be affected by toxic coworkers, your enjoyment of the job, everything. Remember, just like with men, there is no reward for enduring bad behaviour.
Idk if dumbfox role is the best way to go tbh. I have done that my entire life, and it's gotten me no where but fired from jobs, or forced to quit because the hatred becomes too intense for me to bear. Now, as soon as I feel that tension, I speak to that person directly. Ignoring the problem never worked for me. For some reason, that I have never figured out, I get hated on by some female at every job I've ever had. Even though I do nothing but do my work and leave. I don't gossip. I don't hate on others. Etc but I get hated on, bullied, gossiped about and often forced out of jobs by women who hate me for no reason. They project negative qualities onto my character that have nothing to do with who I am. I am continuously targeted and have NO idea why. I am at the point where I can't work in traditional work settings.
What does the boss think of their behaviour? Are the three women friends outside of work?
It reminds me of an episode from the podcast Women at Work, from Harvard Business review. It's about political operators in the workplace https://open.spotify.com/episode/1TL3g23FnVTBSnkja6aGjx?si=pDJEkwajQhuRRXW2I79k9g It's been a while since I've listened to it, maybe there's something useful in there!