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I'll start by saying I'm the boss of managing breakups. God knows I've had enough of them!
I am the first to return belongings, go permanently no contact and B&D. I don't trawl their social media or keep tabs on what they're upto. I also follow textbook advice (where possible) to keep busy, healthy etc. I could never be accused of being the person who won't let go or someone nagging for a final conversation etc. I treat them like they're dead LOL.
However, weeks and months down the tracks, I obsess about the situ - especially if it's someone who I wasn't too sure of at the beginning. This has happened time and time again almost like I have a delayed reaction to pain. The person I've broken up from becomes the first thing I think of in the morning, despite my best efforts.
I've been giving myself a really hard time over a breakup that happened in July. This is partly due to circumstances (small area, sudden change in his behaviour). But I've realised that other, more serious breakups have lived rent free in my head for *way* longer than I would have liked them to aswell. Has anyone experienced similar?
I'm not actively dating so there isn't a distraction in that sense (my previous vice would be to find another man) but OLD experiences have killed that option dead. So I'm frustrated with myself for giving this guy even more headspace. I don't even think it's about the particular guy at this point. Being in a boring job doesn't help but I have plenty of things going on outside of that.
Please tell me I'm not going mad and this is normal?!
Interested to hear if this has happened to anyone else.
Girl, you're doing all the right things. You're human, we all are. A few weeks ago I became disturbed at my rumination about a guy I had dated two years ago. Out of nowhere, thoughts of him and what could have been, had amped up a notch and it was really bothering me. There's very little we can do at these times other than what you've already noted, and then wait it out. This moment and these thoughts will pass.
I feel like I could have written this. I find myself still dwelling on a breakup (we weren't even "official") from someone I only saw for 2 months, over a year ago now. But it was especially devastating because that one really got my hopes up. It's not the person I miss, but the dream I thought he would help fulfill. I have not dated anyone since then, so I do think the "distraction" piece does help when it's there. We all crave companionship, and it's easy not to think about or yearn for it when your life feels lacking in that department or you aren't keeping yourself busy enough to forget the yearning is there underneath the surface. I think sometimes we keep ourselves too busy (become workaholics, or obsessive about exercising or leveling up our skills or hobbies, etc.) to the point where that's not very healthy either. So, the moments we lay down at night or wake up in the mornings are when we are no longer distracted enough, and therefore begin to dwell on the past.
I don't really have a solution. Just that I find myself guilty of this experience as well, and I also find it easier when another man comes along and helps me escape from the dwelling. But after finding FDS, I have not yet found a man who qualifies to be in my life like that.
I'm going through the same exact thing as you and I'm 4 years out..not used to this..wondering if it has something to do with age..I just turned 45 and it seems like EVERY woman my age is going through this as well!