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I haven't talked to her for four days because she'd always moan how her boyfriend is so moody and insensitive all the time. It's so exhausting to advise her to leave him because she'd be so stubborn about it and tell me BS like they're soulmates, how he's so different from the rest and she'd tell me that their families are starting to like each other. Let me add that she's 27 and he's 31, and he acts like a classic horny manchild. Their 3 year relationship is so codependent and emotionally exhausting.
I don't even get to insert the topics I wanna talk about because she'll automatically bring up her bf. I'm so annoyed.
Hey OP, I think we’ve all been in a similar situation! It’s definitely exhausting and frustrating which is why you need to keep distancing yourself for now. If you are close and cannot cut ties even for a short time, you will have to basically grey rock during her rants. Just say “Oh no, what a shame. Hope things are better soon. Anyway…” and change the subject. Make sure to make plans after your meetups so you have an excuse to leave. Or keep it to group meets. And if she’s stubborn yet constantly complaining about LV behaviour, just repeat the behaviour back to her so she can hear how utterly ridiculous and trash her bf is. “What kind of ✨soulmate✨ is he if he can’t even buy flowers…”/“Wait he did xyz?! Are you sure he’s 31 years old?!?!” Then leave it at that. You can’t force her to break up with him, you can only highlight the red flags. But overall these kinds of friends frustrating and draining so I highly recommend not to waste too much time on her.
If she's clearly not willing to do something about it I'd stop engaging with it. As JT said you can grey rock, or an alternative is to tell her that unless she plans on doing something about it you aren't available to be her emotional dumping ground anymore.
I had a recent friend do this. She was much younger than me, so at first I chalked it up to immaturity. And since she was white American, I thought perhaps it was cultural too. I mean, I don’t know any Pakistani or other South Asian, or Muslim background woman who refers everything that much to her husband or partner.
But everything for this ex-friend was about her boyfriend being some sort of deity to her. I can understand if she was so obsessed with him that everything in her life revolves around him, but she made him into a standard for me, like I should be honored to get a 5 minute meeting with him. I refused.
the funniest was when she wanted my visiting parents to meet her boyfriend’s parents. Girl, my parents like to meet “young people”, as they put it, or other South Asians their own age. And they like to speak their own language. They DGAF about your stupid boyfriend’s mum and dad.