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Honestly, I've been becoming more and more lonelier through the years. I stopped hanging out with most of my past friends for stupid reasons, like for their comments about ugly people or their boring (according to me) hobbies, to name some. I don't know if I should've done that, as my current friends don't hang out much, so I can perfectly have a full month without much social interaction, besides my parents.
I honestly have lost the will to do most things: I don't feel like hanging out, even on the rare occassions my friends want, I stopped going to the gym, sometimes I forget to shower/brush my teeth, I just don't really enjoy listening to music or playing videogames, like I did before. I just want new friends I could talk to.
But here's the problem: all the friends I've had in my life have been from Highschool/College. I've tried making new friends through accquaintances, but it didn't work out. I'm autistic, so it must've been because of my poor social skills, or something. I guess. I don't really know where I can actually meet people my age. I just don't wanna be so lonely anymore.
I think I should go to therapy, as most of the time I'm just replaying bad memories: the times I got called ugly (last time was in 2024, by two men, at a restaurant. They were sitting on a table, that was facing towards ours, and they were talking about how ugly I was. After having eaten with my friends, I just said I was feeling sick and returned home. I had an anxiety attack there), when I got bullied for my lack of intelligence and autism, when people would describe me as ugly behind my back, etc. In all honesty, I'm kind of a hypocrite in this sense, because I also judge people on their looks, but in an opposite way: if someone is attractive, I just tend to think they're an asshole and try my best not to associate with them.
I'm ranting at this point, so I'll just ask this one question: where can I meet people and make friends?
I'm not a dr, but your lack of drive to perform small self-care tasks and lack of desire to indulge in hobbies or distractions sounds like major depression. The ruminating on negative experiences, as well.
I'm not sure how that works with autism but I think your instincts are in the right place to consider therapy, for this speculated depression, at least. And I'd say you can meet people anywhere but that's too vague, of course.
I think the issue that lonely people have is no hobbies or passions outside of socializing. Everyone has or will go thru lonely periods, regardless of interests, but the perpetually lonely often lack interests.
I don't mean to pigeonhole you and assume you have no interests of your own, I just mean I think you're focusing on the wrong stuff with loneliness. People connect over shared interests, not shared loneliness.
And if you're only engaging in something to not be lonely, people can tell. It comes off as desperate or like you expect to be entertained by them, even if it's not your intention.
You have to find an interest to commit to and focus on that. Friends will happen naturally as you gain momentum in exploring whatever interest it may be.
It will take longer than you have the patience for, so don't think about it, too much. People are drawn to interesting people and interesting people have interests that they actively participate in!
Hope that helps ❤️
Hi, I’m autistic too and have had a really hard time making friends. I’m 40 divorced with kids. My married friends don’t want to hang out on weekends, and I’m also really sensitive. I’ve been hurt a couple times but then gaslit when I try to resolve.
Therapy can be good but watch out for it being a revolving door to relive the past without doing something different. I was stuck there myself that’s why I’m saying this. I think it got me as far as it could but I still can’t figure out for the life of me why I can’t find friends. Many people are surface level and I’m deep as the ocean.
It sounds to me like you are struggling with depression. I’ve been there, too.
I agree that therapy is a good option for you. The first things to focus on are getting into a better cycle where you find some interest in doing things, whether that’s your old hobbies, going out with your old friends, or trying something new. Your therapist can help you move through your feelings and process your past experiences, and from there you can begin to gain confidence again. I cannot overstate how essential therapy has been in my own journey - but the caveat is that you have to find someone you feel comfortable opening up to, because the key in therapy is being vulnerable. Initial consultations are/should be free, so go ask them some questions (a quick Google search can tell you what things to ask about) and if you don’t vibe with them, move on to the next one. The right therapist for you will make you feel comfortable on day 1.
As for where/how to make new friends:
You can never have too many friends and positive acquaintances in your network.
One great way to make new friends is to go somewhere where the type of people you’d want to hang out with might be. If you enjoy a specific hobby or are interested in trying a new one, go to a workshop or meetup. If you enjoy a specific type of exercise, join a weekly class, or a runner’s/biker’s group, or attend a special event.
Consistency is key - you will start to notice the same people, and you can slowly observe who you might want to connect with until you feel comfortable speaking to them. You can start by commenting on something about the class/event, something innocuous like “wow, that was a great workout!” Or “[something you learned] was so interesting, I didn’t know that before.” Smile and be friendly, and if they respond in kind, often they will start a conversation. You can ask them light questions about themselves, what they thought about the event, etc, and that will make you seem likable, because everyone likes someone who is interested in what they have to say.