How do men not want us and not want anyone else to be with us?

You ever see a toddler have no interest in their toy until another child wants to play with the toy? It’s this idea of “I don’t want the thing right *now*, but I may want it as an option *later*, and if someone else takes it I may lose it *forever*”. It’s women being seen as resources, and a desire to hoard said resources due to a scarcity (and thus possessive) mindset.

Entitlement. Men are socialised to get whatever they want, women are socialised to be grateful for scraps. The right kind of man will unlearn this behaviour and recognise that the world does not owe him shit. Until then, most men will freak when women do not behave how men have idealised them.

I have definitely felt some kind of way when I see a guy I turned down get with someone else.

I don't do anything with that. I don't express any annoyance to anyone. And violence? Absolutely not. As far as I'm concerned, if I did anything like that, I would just be embarrassing myself.

I remain logical enough to see that it's good he's moving on - I still don't actually want him.

What is that feeling, though? Just a bit of FOMO, probably. It's not really about the guy, more of a "having someone to do things with seems nice" feeling.

Still, I know not to make life decisions based on FOMO - that way leads to disaster 😆

The feeling of FOMO passes, bad life decisions do lasting damage 🤣

Because they are greedy, childish, petty scrotes who don’t want you but also don’t want you to be happy. Pay them no mind and enjoy living well as your best revenge. In college I absolutely humiliated myself pursuing this guy in my friends group who led me on long enough to hook up but then ditched me as soon as he got bored. This scrote, who pretended to care very much, even showed a letter I’d written him from overseas to everyone we knew, which remains one of my strongest cringe memories today. Some time later I met and got into a long-term relationship with a younger, much hotter guy. Guess who started texting me and asking to meet for coffee while telling our mutual friends that I was texting HIM to try and meet up? Obviously I blocked, deleted, and also ditched the mutuals who gave him any sympathy in the matter. Last I heard, he’s still single, has put on a lot of weight, and is quite bald as well. Some men are genuinely shitty people and will begrudge you happiness even if they themselves aren’t interested in being a part of your life. The male entitlement to take endlessly without contributing makes them feel they forever own you without obligations on their part. It’s gross, sad, and potentially dangerous.

I think it’s triangulation, they pretend to like one woman to make another jealous or they want to drive you into the arms of a different guy.

The problem is so common it had a hit song in 1964 by Leslie Gore. https://youtu.be/JDUjeR01wnU

"You don't own me I'm not just one of your many toys You don't own me Don't say I can't go with other boys

And don't tell me what to do Don't tell me what to say And please, when I go out with you Don't put me on display 'cause

You don't own me Don't try to change me in any way You don't own me Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay

I don't tell you what to say I don't tell you what to do So just let me be myself That's all I ask of you

I'm young and I love to be young I'm free and I love to be free To live my life the way I want To say and do whatever I please

And don't tell me what to do Oh, don't tell me what to say And please, when I go out with you Don't put me on display

I don't tell you what to say Oh, don't tell you what to do So just let me be myself That's all I ask of you

I'm young and I love to be young I'm free and I love to be free"

A lot of men are abusive and controlling, which explains this behavior. They exist to colonize and exploit women.

Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft for a thorough explanation.