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I refer to men who live with, have children with, combine finances with, build businesses with and buy houses with women they don't love, don't see a future with and if possible, plan to leave. How in the world can they do that? It clearly makes sense to do this with your actual wife, rather than a woman you see as a forever girlfriend.
These men are petrified of commitment to one woman but can create life with a woman they never want to be committed to fully. I'm always baffled when I see men who do this. How can creating a child be seen as less of a commitment than marrying a woman?
What do you think drives this behaviour?
Because it makes their lives easier. It's really as simple as that. They benefit from it
It's easy when you don't think of women as people and only there to serve your needs. Do you need sex? Do you need a son to carry on your line and last name? Would you like to make your own life easier and have someone manage the minutiae of running your household so you can focus on work and moving up?
Male selfishness drives this behavior. Men don't see marriage the same way we do. They see it as the opportunity to lock down a Mommy Bangmaid who will service their sexual needs on demand, give them children (and do the lion's share of all of the insanely hard work required to raise healthy, happy children), clean up after them, maybe even cook for them...and their contribution will be to maybe pay the bills and do some occasional yard work, if that. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal (for him).
The kind of guy who settles for that arrangement with a woman he doesn't truly love is the same kind of guy who cheats without hesitation or remorse because, after all, Mommy Bangmaid's feelings and health don't really matter as long as she continues fulfilling that role in his life, and what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?
Marriage is generally a bad deal for women unless they marry a high value man and are also willing to walk away at the first sign of disrespect from that man. I don't know if I will ever get married again, but if I do, it will look nothing like the above scenario. We will have a housekeeper; I will cook at my pleasure and never to please him; I will be tremendously selfish with my time and energy, always putting myself first, because I know too well that even the best men are easily spoiled (and then contemptuous) if we allow them to believe that we would stay even after they stopped treating us like their treasured queen.
Men want to feel comfortably superior and they are invested in believing that you will tolerate all sorts of disrespect in order to keep them around. Never, ever allow him that comfort and be totally willing to ditch him at the very first sign of misbehavior. We do not entertain low value men.
I believe that most men get married when they want kids/want to settle down (or they want to give the appearance of settling down). When they do, they marry whatever woman they're dating at the time. It's about convenience, not love.
When my sister's husband left her he told he never loved her. And they eloped, so there was no pressure to go through with a big wedding. This may also be a good place to add that most divorces are initiated by the woman, but when men initiate, most of the time it's because he already has another woman lined up. This was true in my ex-BIL's case.
Thank you for your comments. They all make a lot of sense and explain such bizarre behaviour.
they’re parasites who lack empathy and won’t go to therapy.