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I have a friend that I met about 3 years ago. She married a man from Pakistan and recently brought him to the states (they met online. He even somehow found her fathers number to try and contact him). She has visited him before. She has she wanted to divorce him because he was cheating on her. She went to Pakistan to try and divorce him but came back and said they're still married. I think her parents might have had something to do with it because they have said to her she's over 30 and that's the best she can do. No other man will propose (disgusting I know).
She came over to my house last year for a friendsgiving dinner with my other friend, her husband and 2 of my mom's friends. She works as a C.O at a prison and I can't imagine what she has to deal with. The thing is, she can be a bit over the top. She curses a lot, and says things that you just don't say about your job and what goes on when you go over someone's home for the first time. My mom, her friends, and my other friends husband were uncomfortable.
Later on after they left, my friends husband offered her a ride home. She had her husband on video and they were all talking. The husband mentions when he comes here, he wants to drive me and my other friend around. He says I'll kidnap them ( he said it jokingly). My friends husband did not find that funny and neither did his wife. They said why would you say something like that, it's not a joke you can casually make etc. My friend didn't say anything to defend us at all.
A few months ago, her husband arrives but clearly she's unhappy because he doesn't do shit around the house. He lives with her family. She posts about what she cooks for him because he's a body builder. Even when she's sick, she has to basically drag him to the kitchen to help. When she posts photos, you can clearly see she's not happy.
Recently she messaged my friend and I and said she would love to meet up. We're not comfortable with this, because we don't know if it will be just the 3 of us, or if she'll surprise us and bring her husband. Her other friends from what I hear have met him. We are the only 2 who haven't and do not want to meet him.
How can we tell her we're not comfortable without offending her? How could we meet a man who comes from a remote village and has never traveled? Clearly he has okd fashioned views about women.
Whether or not she takes offense at your communications is up to her, not you. You have a right to communicate how you feel - at something which involves you, and she has the right to feel however she likes about it.
As to being as gentle about it as you can, the fact that you don't like her husband already isn't going to be softened. She might take offense regardless of how much you softfoot around. What you can do is remind her that you like and value her, you want her to be happy, and you don't believe this man makes her happy. Therefore you cannot value him.
Always be honest. You might piss someone off, but as long as they respect you they'll probably come back.
I hope your friend wakes up and ditch the whole man. That guy must be draining to be around.
Maybe you can frame the meetup as female only and emphasize "the three of us" when planning? You can plan activities that makes men feel awkward being around too.
Also prepare an excuse to leave with the other friend in case she end up bringing her husband.
Just tell her it's a girl's night out, so she doesn't feel like she's being singled out.
Easy peasy.
This may be one of those situations when is better to be brutally sincere.
I’ve had something happen to me like this. The only difference was whether or not I met him is indifferent to me. I make up a general comment about him and my impression of him and move on lol
If I were you I’d just clarify with her if he’s coming so there’s no surprises. If he is attending🤷🏻♀️ ignore him. You’re here for your friend. This is her reality now. Who knows, he could just sulk and be really quiet in the background. Also, this may be his last time coming if he really hates it.