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Hello Beautiful People,
Recently, I dmed someone on Instagram after I interacted with him on a different social media platform. He's new to my city and I reached out to him letting him know I'd love to meet up and be friends in real life. He said he'd might take me up on the offer and I responded back to reach out to me on the other social media platform (TikTok) because I'm not a fan of Instagram. Point is, he knows where and how to contact me and I think he's very attractive. I've seen a lot of attractive men but none with a semi-decent non fuck boy personality.
I'm trying to stick true to the FDS principles and also common sense. I do not know this man. Only what I briefly saw and interacted with him on TikTok. I'm trying not to put him on a pedestal and when I was in my early 20s, I would immediately have 20 fantasies ready by now. Now that I'm a bit older, I am getting better at stopping those fantasies and really telling myself that it's just a guy that I do not know.
I find myself devoting mental energy to him which I do not want and checking to see if he's check my most recent Instagram message. Would love any and all tips for not obsessing over a guy not only for this situation but all situations going forward!
Girl, you already broke FDS principles by sending the first message. You don't just want to be friends with this guy, you want him to want to pursue you. You've already established yourself as the pursuer by sending the first message. It is probably best to just forget about him altogether. It's ok that FDS isn't ingrained in you yet or that some of the principles feel awkward or difficult. I just want to make sure we are not diluting the message. FDS condones dropping the handkerchief which means making it easier for the man to notice you by putting yourself in his vicinity, not by doing the pursuing for him. Asking him to meet up and be friends is a signal of interest.
You say you want to be friends. First of all, I doubt that. I don't think you're fantasizing about playing Monopoly and chatting about your significant others together. But most importantly - how can you already know you want to be friends? You don't know him well enough to say that yet. What if he's a rapist? Or a pedophile? Or just a run of the mill loser scrote? Slow way down.
He should be pursuing you. sending a dm first isn't following fds. if he wanted to reach out to you on a different platform he would. you said he knew where to contact you and he didn’t do it.
id forget about him.
“He might take you up on the offer?” Wow. You’ve got yourself a player right there. Think you’re the only girl writing to him? Don’t message men first. There are rules, and if you decide to go against them, you’ll be the one who gets hurt—not him. He should be writing to you and asking you for your time. If he doesn’t do that, he’s either already involved or not interested. Men are either on or off. If he’s not on with you, he’s off with someone else.
Thank you for asking. Most of the women gave good advice. I suggest you take it to heart. My opinion- have an abundance mindset. Tell yourself that you’ll meet someone like him in real life or someone who’s better than him. You wouldn’t even have to try hard to get his attention. You’re the prize not the other way round.
And most Indian men are low value af anyway!!
maybe stop messaging him? dnno, maybe that's too radical
do scrotation, that way you won't focus on him so much
uninstall instagram and use on your browser without saving the password. it'll be a bit harder to check the messages, maybe that'll will discourage you to do that (i'm brainstorming here hahah)
Answer: date several other men.
You message other guys as well. It’s just DM’ing and if this guy will be weird about contacting you then you can find someone else