Not really related to dating, but I don't know which category I could post this to. I just kind of want to know how to connect with people, since I've never been able to do that. My whole life I've been practically friendless despite following every rule in the book there is. People just never reciprocated and found me interesting, I'd assume because I filter out everything I say due to anxiety I end up sounding boring or robotic. When I do try to be myself however I just end up embarassing myself, since my e.g sense of humor is kind of weird. In general I've always been seen as weird due to me being neurodivergent, so it's always been difficult to fit in. So I kind of want to hear fds' advice on how to achieve getting friends lol
top of page
.png)
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
bottom of page
Typically my friendships come from the workplace, find someone you have something in common with, ask for their number and just reciprocate their energy.
A lot of people actually kinda suck at being friends and they'll ignore you unless they "need" something. These are bad friends, don't worry if they ignore you, they're most often druggies or just toxic to be around.
You'll recognize you have a good friendship when someone actually asks how you're doing or tries to make plans with you.
Some people are also just submissive and you have to offer to make plans but it'll all depend if that other person puts energy into making it work.
I have some friends that make plans, I have some friends that take 2 months to reply to a text because they spend all their social energy on their romantic relationships. (But that same friend will give me snacks sometimes and ask how I'm doing.)
Everyone's "friend" language is different but it all starts with talking to others about shared interests and starting from there.
Well, you sound like my kinda people tbh!
you have to be yourself. people can sniff out if you're being fake.
also: as an adult, you're going to have to invest time, effort and money.
check in with people when you have a free moment, without asking for anything. make plans with people (this might include hosting a gathering or initiating a roller-skating night or you might have to rent or borrow a car so you can drive everyone to a cool hiking spot...).
relationship-building is a skill that takes resources, practice and discipline just like any other skill.
You have to try to get over the sense of embarassment. I know it's easier said than done, but I honestly think it's not that you're not interesting. It's that you're not revealing your interesting side to people because you're so scared of being seen as "weird." The right people aren't going to think you're weird and some are probably weird themselves.
Also like with anything worthwhile, you may have to endure some rejection or failure when it comes to making friends. Try not to take it personally.
I recommend this video by Vanessa Van Edwards (all her stuff is good) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf5STE2VJKI She's a recovering awkward person too!
And the book "Friendship in the Age of Lonliness" by Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky
I also recommend joining group activities and hobbies you enjoy. Keep showing up regularly. Start slow, get to know people slowly. It takes time.
I suggest bonding with people who share hobbies like gaming or anime that are more oriented towards introverts and people who dislike normie or pop culture. Those communities are a lot more welcoming, and when you're part of a community it's harder for you to be picked out as "weird" when there is less pressure and also everyone there is comfortable with their weird side.
Board game, anime, book club and other meet ups are good places to start. I will say that if you don't worl through your low self-worth feelings it's going to be hardee to keep friends. So therapy is important.