How can you tell if you’re being lovebombed and how soon should he ask to be exclusive?

Hmm sounds like future faking and love bombing, also, if he does ask to be your boyfriend after 4 dates, that's way too soon. You dont know this person.

Please keep vetting and be careful. Also pay attention on how he treats others around you.

It's best to be suspicious. Good luck.

what you're experiencing seems pretty good. personally, i don't think there's a foolproof strategy beyond constant vetting. of course you have to be alert enough to get out when shit hits the fan but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the good things that he's doing for you while they're happening. remember, it's only when the red flags start waving that you have to check yourself and your relationship.

Time, vetting ferociously, and noticing whether or not he switches it up on you after he’s gotten whatever he wanted out of you. Typically, things dudes want out of women are the conquest, getting her to move in with him, getting her pregnant, getting her to move cross country and be more isolated with him - whatever his goal was for using you. Which could all take years to uncover. Took some of us 15+ years until the mask dropped. And women are still so shocked that this is common enough, because it’s so rarely warned about. Honestly best to assume it’s lovebombing and read up on the narcissistic abuse cycle, just in case things turn ugly for you or a friend. Women need to be able to get out once the devaluing stage starts, because the discard phase can quickly turn violent.

Try saying no about small things: change plans slightly; say no to one restaurant and suggest another. See how he handles being disagreed with.

This sounds promising, however, I caution you against giving him the HV label. It’s too soon and could cloud your vetting

This happened to my ex best friend with her boyfriend. So when he was in the love bombing phase like this guy is, I told her to tell him that she likes him but wants to keep dating and getting to know each other before deciding to become boyfriend and girlfriend. Four dates isn't a lot of time or money. Has he spent $5K on you yet? Because that's about the amount of money and time he needs to spend on you to not be just trying to play you for sex. And if he's rich then bump it to $10K. Men don't appreciate what comes easy to them, and where they spend their money is where their "heart" is. This guy could easily be setting you up for 4th date sex and then a ghosting or a cooling off and adding you to his harem so that he's got another girl to fuck once per week. Unless he's spending all of his time and money on you, you can't be sure he's actually interested in you.

I don't like to get into a relationship with a man til around the 8 date mark (+/- 2 dates)- that way I have time for him to prove consistent effort. And I reject the exclusivity play- I've been asked about exclusivity before around the 4th date, and I decided to tell him I don't do that, I'm either in a relationship or not- and proceeded to get progressively lower effort from him. SO if a man asks for exclusivity - don't tell him what you would prefer, tell him it sounds like y'all are looking for different things. Because a man who's asking for exclusivity is PURPOSELY lowballing you to hook you on the idea of a relationship without having to provide one

say no if he pops the question. explain you want to take it slow or whatever. if he stops being so lovely and all, dump him.

i think we can never be sure and honestly the idea of vetting for the rest of my life sounds exhausting and makes me want to die very much alone.