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It seems like every guy I know is either undesirable (stuck in a dead-end job, unattractive, you name it), decent but is not compatible with me (e.g. being an extreme extrovert when I am an introvert), or matches my taste but is taken. It's so frustrating that all these men I am attracted to are taken and almost every guy who was interested in me had at least one undesirable trait. I know we shouldn't pursue men, but the chances of me coming across a HVM is very low if I don't expand my social circle.
I played around with OLD but I'm not comfortable with it. OLD is notorious for being filled with fuckboys and scammers. these self-proclaimed attractive and wealthy men were interested in me... it just seemed too good to be true. Similarly, I think most men at bars are just looking for something casual.
I've heard of matchmakers but I've heard many are scammy and will set you up with men who are far from meeting your standards. They are all very expensive and I can't help but think that many of the success stories mentiones on their websites are fake.
I've come across attractive male strangers but the idea of forming a romantic relationship with a stranger seems risky to me.
You said it yourself; expand your social circle. And how you do that will depend on what your tastes actually are.
As far as mixed gender sports, I did a volleyball league one summer that was good (for meeting female friends too). There were 2 guys there who met all the baseline stuff to date, and actually made an effort to get to know me outside of it. Just not my cup of tea for individualized reasons. (One heard I was into sailing and whole ass signed up for a sailing club to learn how to sail lol)
There's also stuff like internships (get to know during, but don't date til after it's done), volunteering, clubs at school that are not just the partying ones.
But like I said in (I think) your other post, I don't know if college is the best time to date seriously.
Expanding your social circle would pay more dividends though. Like reasonably HV guys who aren't compatible with you will have HV friends and coworkers later.
It does seem like expanding your social circle works well; my best friend met her current BF through our coworker. She is definitely a HV woman with what appears to be a HV boyfriend, and so my friend's current BF was one of his good friends.
I do think the finding social groups formula is a good idea; I haven't been feeling so confident so I have yet to try that route again but in the past it seemed like a decent option. My only problem is I find a lot of my interests are female dominated so I've been trying to get a running list going of what is coed.
As for making the time to regularly attend these groups...tbh, I think first and foremost you should go in with the mindset that you are joining this for yourself and your own enrichment. You're going to the group because you want to engage in the hobby/interest with other likeminded people, not because you're seeking out a relationship. Should you happen to meet an interesting guy, then so it goes - it's a great benefit to the first thing. And maybe you don't meet any viable men the first few times you go, but you don't need to regularly attend every outing. Maybe one month you attend regularly, the next month you only make it to one or two, etc. You never know when there will be a new attendee! But I think joining specifically to find potential suitors just leads to disappointment. It's a good way to expand your social circle to find that special someone, but it shouldn't be the sole reason imo.
We’re going through the same thing at the same time. I hope someone has answers for us!
Whenever I get my hopes up, there’s always a catch. The last guy I spoke to was eager at first, and lost interest so fast (within 2 days) for no reason, that I was like, “another one. They can’t be bothered to chase anyone. No wonder they’re alone.”
My only suggestions, which I’ll try are:
Singles events (not speed dating though - ones where you can mingle and get away from losers at a moment’s notice)
Expensive trips (rules out the broke men and helps if you’re stuck in an area full of losers)
More outings with friends (must be small groups/another 1-2 other women/or a large gathering or party)
Sports teams - NOT aggressive ones like boxing which can have too much testosterone fuelled idiots, but balanced sports with a mixture of the sexes, like tennis or badminton.
One of my problems is that I will dabble in each thing above, but not do it enough to get the results I require, so I plan on doubling my efforts over the coming year.
All the HV men I meet in real life are taken. The ones interested in me on OLD put in zero effort or if they do they turn out to be narcs in the long run. 34 here and honestly not sure where to look. Hobbies, friends of friends, coworkers... all settled down