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Yes, vetting is important, but many LVM are experts at hiding their LV traits. They'll only flirt with other women when you're not around, look at pictures of Instagram models without following them, look at porn on an Incognito window, and never disclose their socially unacceptable fetishes to you. How can I know if a guy is truly HV?
It's sometimes hard to believe HVM even exist. Almost every guy I know has at least one LV trait (e.g. being patriachal, telling a lot of lies, being bad-tempered, etc.) and follow at least one female model or celebrity celebrated for her looks on Instagram. For the other men, I probably don't know them well enough to judge if they are HV or not.
You never know if a guy is HV. That's why they tell you to never stop vetting, never be blindsided. Odds are the guy who has all those HV traits will be feminine energy and you will want to friends zone him.. and FDS tells you not to force yourself to eat your peas. Also HV is whatever you decide brings value to your life. If he is amazing to you. The problem with LV or NV traits is that it is symtomatic of the whole man being trash and causing nonstop headaches and/or betrayal in the future. Great men are rare, men in general suck.. that's why we must enjoy being single more than being a Pick Me for some loser. Anyone with standards will be single for spans of time. I am in my 40's and I know one thing FOR SURE: He isn't on OLD. They are the worst of the worst, vibeless, porn addicted, avoidant losers.
Time, consistency and effort from them (the key phrase being from them, you do not step up your efforts to be above and beyond). And if you don't see anyone who is worthy enough to be your husband, it's better to be alone.
HV men are just extremely rare. I’ve dated a singular one in my life, and we went our separate ways because of mismatched life goals. But that was an experience like nothing else, and assured me of the validity of my standards.
It’s just not worth it entertaining these crusties when I could be either 1) having the time of my life on my own; 2) dating a truly great man who adds value to my life.
You never know a person like they know themselves. You'll never live inside their head. The point is: is he good enough that you can trust him? Vetting is not about guaranteeing safety. Dating IS a risk. We are trying to take as little risks as possible, but it is still one. All attachments make us vulnerable in one way or another. If you find yourself overly preoccupied with that, or only come across untrustworthy men, it's valid not to date. To prioritize safety often means staying away from men altogether. If you are with one who seems HV so far though and you're worried about him showing his true, ugly colors out of nowhere, just make an action plan for when that happens. Make sure you can always exit the relationship as cleanly as possible. You can't predict the future, but you can be prepared for possible scenarios. I don't agree with the notion that we can spot every sign of future bad behavior in advance. Especially if we've been traumatized before, our sensors can be thrown off in various ways. The point is not to make "accurate" predictions, because that's often impossible. The point is to stay in touch with yourself, be honest with yourself, re-evaluate regularly, and act upon your judgment however necessary.
Consistency time and vetting how they act in all areas of his life. What kinda friends does he have? How does he treat strangers? Is he disgusted when his favorite athlete or actor has a rape allegation? Or does he give them the benefit of the doubt? The things of media he consumes. Does he like barstool? Things like that all add up.