How can I become better at reading people?

I think the fact is, if you assume the worst of men, youre going to be right most of the time. Being all "glass half full" isnt going to lead you to discovering a man's true character.

So be cynical. And dont, at any point, make excuses for a man's behavior. If you feel like "oh what he said sounded rude, but I'm sure he didnt mean it like that" NO! Dont do that! He said a rude thing, he knew what he was saying, and he meant it exactly how it sounded. No excuses. Men are in full control and must take full responsibiliy for their actions. You only hurt yourself when you start making excuses for them.

Remember that "charm" is a behavior, not a character trait. Charm and niceness are not innate personalities; they are social strategies. Always ask yourself, "what is this man trying to achieve?" Most people try to be polite, of course—but if a stranger goes out of his way to charm you, he probably doesn't have your best interests in mind. At best, he wants to get in your pants and/or sell you something. Then again, those two are basically the same things for a LVM. Keep in mind that a HVM doesn't have to market himself to you—he simply does the right thing, without making a big show of it.

I assess a man's character by doing the following:

• What a man does is more important than what he says. In other words, anyone can tell you what a nice person they are or tell you about nice things they've done for people, but if you haven't seen any of these things, then you should take these stories with a pinch of salt.

• Pay attention to inconsistencies in a man's stories or inconsistences between his actions and his words. Also pay attention if a man's friends or family contradict something that he told you. People who lie about small things are usually lying about much bigger things too.

• You can tell a lot about a man by the company that he keeps. If his friends are LVM, that's a red flag. Unlike family, we chose our friends. If he choses to associate with low value people, that means that he, too, is low value.

• Is he a man of his word? For example, if he tells you he's going to do something for you, does he do it or does he "forget" or have some other excuse?!

• Does he have manners? Does he show up to dates on time? If he has to cancel a date, does he give notice or does he wait for you to text him, asking him where he is and only then does he admit that he's not coming.

I always ask myself, "Why is he telling me this? How is he trying to make me feel by saying/doing that? Is he trying to make me feel like we have things in common? Is he trying to impress me? What is behind his words?" There's always something behind a man's words and actions. You should NEVER take a man's words or actions at face value. They're just not honest like that. The mask is readily visible if you're not allowing him to paint a picture with your own emotions. Analyze him, don't just let him Analyze you and figure out what you need to hear to give him what he wants. Listen more, talk less, and never tell him what you're looking for. Tell him that you'll know when you see it.

What you're trying to look for early on are signs of transactional thinking. Many men are able to be nice on the surface if it has a short-term benefit. So: observe what he expects as a reaction to his kindness, and take away the benefits. Don't act all impressed over small nice gestures. Dare to be a little difficult (not on purpose, but don't hide your discomfort, maybe request a change of plans when it suits you better, etc.). Listen to whether he insinuates you/others should be grateful to him, pay him back etc. Does he lament times where he did “too much” for someone? Does he talk a lot about his good deeds and what a nice person he is? Does he still treat you with respect once he realizes sex will not happen for weeks or months? How is his relationship to his friends, relatives, neighbors? Does he have a lot of social or monetary capital that is directly tied to his charisma or is he more of a normal person who just happens to be kind? Is he kind to everyone or just those who have something he wants? You're looking for someone who is good on principle, not for personal gain.

I'm highly intuitive and can read people pretty well. For the times that I can't, or I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, here are some things I look for:

How well dressed he is / effort into his appearance (eg, decent haircut, clean fingernails, ironed shirt).

The venue he picks - is it in a safe area, easy for me to get to and its something I will like (eg, I'm a vegetarian, so I don't want to go to a steakhouse).

He regularly asks me questions about myself and genuinely listens to the answers/attempts to find common ground/remembers things about me for later.

He keeps the conversation PG rated.

He is polite to wait staff.

He offers/insists on paying for the date.

He doesn't ask for sex at the end of the date.

He makes sure I get home okay.

My therapist told me that I should always look out for how a man speaks about and treats his mother as that will be how he treats women (I don't fully agree with this, but it's a good general marker).

Just listen to audiobooks on anything behavior related.

You can't lie to me by Janine Driver.

Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft.

Also the gift of fear is on my reading list from him.

You should be reading books on it because ultimately it's a vibe thing and there is no definite answer on everything.

I recommend audiobooks because you can go for a walk and relax while taking the info in.

It's helped me and my friends avoid shitty men but I can even observe this shit in real time, a guy who I ghosted over bad vibes keeps trying to email me and Even sent me money to get my attention. Once you learn that most men aren't normal stable and caring people you'll get better at avoiding the losers.

Watch what they say.

In my last post, I was confused with this guy, because he was very attentive, but I was confused when he said those words.