Hinge field report: Hints of LV Behavior… when to drop him?

Having recently gotten out of my first relationship— I broke up with him because I realized after a couple of months that he was a momma’s boy —I went back on Hinge. I’ve only gone on one date a year ago, as it takes a lot for me to decide a guy is worth doing a date with. I cancelled two dates last month because the guys did not check in the day before or day of to confirm the date.

For this guy, he planned the date well and did check in. So I felt good about that. For context, I’m 21 and he’s 26. I matched with him, and didn’t think his face was super attractive to me looks-wise, but looked pretty fit, kind and had interesting details on his profile. We had the best conversation out of my matches.

We were going to meet 30 minutes before our sports activity date. He showed up 30 minutes late. I was on my way out, but he apologized about his mistake (he had booked us a slot for our date but forgot about our plan to meet 30 mins before), and offered to meet me whenever I had walked to already, to find me and do the date. I was already dressed up and wanted to do our activity, so I agreed. I let him know I was annoyed (but what does that matter since I didn’t walk away?).

We did ice skating together that led to lots of touch-barrier breaking (hand-holding, arm-holding). We had great conversation, and he seemed genuine and nice. Then we went to dinner, where he reached to hold my hand on the way there. I didn’t balk at it, but found it quite cute. I don’t know why. Throughout the date, he seemed to be polite, respectful and kind. Our conversation at dinner was engaging.

Anyways, long story short I left the date thinking we had an awesome connection. I dare say I had a massive crush on him. I haven’t been on many first dates at all, so I understand this can affect my perception of the “bare minimum”. I felt like he had been very gentlemanly, conscientious of my feelings and very respectful. He seemed like a good listener and we had many hobbies in common. For a first date, I know it sounds embarrassing, but I felt like he was amazing.

He texts after the date to say he had a good time. No mention of second date. He doesn’t text again until 2/3 days later, to say he’s “thinking of me”. This is mid-week now. We chat. The next day, he asks me out for a date on the weekend. He chose an activity that aligned with several of my interests and hobbies I had mentioned during Date 1, which I appreciate.

So we go on this second date— this time he had gone 30 minutes early to save us seats. We have a good time, he’s holding my hand at times. I feel comfortable with him. Afterwards, he offers dinner nearby at a restaurant but it’s getting late and I had a hard cutoff time. So I agree that we can make it quick with a pizza slice to continue talking for a little bit. He taxis us back to my area and we chat more. As we say bye, he kisses me.

We text a bit the following days. Before Thanksgiving, he texts me that he’s on his way back from work and wants to give me something. I agree and he shows up with a bouquet of flowers. I thank him and we kiss for a bit outside. I leave thinking that it was romantic and a nice gesture.

Anyways, we’ve been texting a lot over the Thanksgiving break, which I’m now kicking myself for. I am not well versed in OLD FDS strategies and have been reading up on old Reddit posts and the handbook. I should’ve kept texting to a minimum and not shared so much about myself in a non-date setting. That makes it too easy for him to access me. So, it’s been a week since our second date and he mentions how he wants to see me. I’m annoyed because it’s now a pattern of him not locking down a date or time to see me.

The theme of this post is, I want to hold myself accountable, and practice what I preach. I know the FDS principles quite well and live by them in daily life. In dating, I’m more inexperienced. So I want to be careful about every decision I make to develop FDS-aligned dating habits.

And here’s where I have questions: he hints over text that I could come over to his place, “if I’m comfortable”, as an activity, to help him pick out what clothes look best on him (I helped him with clothing brand suggestions when he was online shopping). I feel like after he offered this, my thoughts of him potentially being a HVM have deflated. I’m disappointed, but he wasn’t doing amazingly to begin with (being late on the first date, not texting immediately to lock down next dates / making me wait). I replied that I would have to think about that idea he suggested and asked for other ideas he had.

He then suggested taking me to a nice dinner or him cooking for me and showing me around his area. I didn’t comment on which I would prefer, because I didn’t feel it was my job to choose an idea for him since he didn’t actually figure put logistical plans at all yet. And now he hasn’t made plans. And yeah, red flag about him proposing cooking at his— don’t worry, I won’t be lured back to his place. Although, am I overreacting? Is this just the nature of OLD where guys will shoot their shot? Now that he’s proposed a third date at his apartment, is this my sign that he’s a LVM?

I do feel we have chemistry and if I weren’t an FDSer I would be tempted to go over to his to get more physical, (would never hook up further than second base). I enjoyed kissing him and thought he was romantic. But the past few days, I’ve found myself feeling turned off. I think because of his flimsy planning for a third date. I am realizing it. I no longer want to text with him, since it feels pointless. In the days prior, we texted a lot, with hour-long convos. He was kind and engaging, and replies quickly. But what’s the point of our texts? No date cemented, even now. Again, I regret the texting a lot. I’ll be more vigilant next time.

Anyways, what should I take away from this? This may sound naive, but I had high hopes and would be sad to be disappointed. If he were to ask me on a third date, why do I still feel like I want to go? Am I too easily impressed and won over, considering I just got out of a breakup? Can I find a HVM from OLD (I know many on here have said no)?

I’m still young and have tried hard to avoid “mistakes” I make— so far, I haven’t deviated too far away from my FDS principles, which I learned about since high school. I really just want advice and wish I had someone with similar values to debate with more.

I feel a lot of anxiety sometimes about making sure I don’t get “played” or overlook LV behaviors. Because I pride myself on being pretty good at spotting this stuff after years of FDS reading and also interacting with all sorts of men. FDS has helped me be a strong woman in many ways.

My friends aren’t all FDS aligned. I don’t know what’s right from wrong and I’m terrified of making a “mistake” in these first steps of OLD. I’m trying my best but I think my feeling get the better of my mind sometimes.

I am willing to do difficult things if they are the “right” course of action. I can end the conversation with this man, no problem. It’ll make me sad for a bit but I will be okay. I just really want a bit of validation for my feelings and the doubts I have. Encouragement is welcome, too. I feel alone in my FDS values sometimes, especially in a college environment.

And by the way— is our age difference creepy? I am a bit creeped out by it. Five years is a large gap. I’m a student and he’s on his third job (he has a great job). Should I have not even agreed to this date based solely on the age gap? Is it weird that he is pursuing me?

Many thanks for reading!

TLDR: I (21F) went on two dates with a Hinge man (26M) and thought he displayed HVM behaviors. But after a few weeks of interactions with him and lots of personal reflection, I’m realizing I may have caught on to LV behaviors. I am having trouble feeling validated about my suspicions, and am generally confused by the mess that is OLD.