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Hi ladies, I need some insight. I'm in my upper 20s, conventionally attractive, and feel like I have a high enough self esteem, at least to the point where I push myself to go out and do things alone. Well, it's sort of my only choice to do things alone because I don't really have any friends in my area who have the same interests as me. I've tried Meetup, etc. but it's not really active, or people are super flakey and plans never get followed through. I find that I'm always the one to try and put in the effort when it comes to making connections. I can be sitting at a bar alone, and no one talks to me. I feel like I give off awkward vibes and I don't really know why. I try to make friendly conversation, but I feel like people look at me weird for being alone and don't want to talk to me. I don't have social media so it makes me feel like an outcast in today's world, and I'm feeling frustrated because I've been trying for years and I can't seem to make any friends outside of the people I work with.
I don't know if it's me, or just today's society consisting of people who simply don't have social skills anymore. I've been told I intimidate people so maybe it's that? I just feel like I'm always friendly and approachable so I really don't understand.
The best way to find friends is to go to a course or a workshop in the thing that interests you. Forget bars clubs etc it's not worth it, those places are full of people with no hobbies and no value, but what they can have is alcohol problem. Also don't make friends with work colleagues, it never ends well, because they will use what you told them to advance their careers.
The problem is not your social awkwardness, the problem is that you are trying to play in the mud.
The reason it's easier to make friends at school or at work is because developing friendships require seeing the same person or people on some sort of regular basis over some length of time (months, years...)
People mostly don't have the option to flake out on work or school. So outside those settings, it does become more of a challenge to see people enough times to get to know them.
LeaveBritneyAlone's advice to join a course is a good one, ideally a course with many sessions. People are less likely to flake on a course they already paid for.
I've also experienced that thing where I try talking to someone I don't know and they look at me like I grew another head. We've all been there. 😆
On the other side of that, I'm sure I've also given other people the impression I don't want to talk to them when what's really happening is that I do want to get to know them, but I'm awkward. You think you're awkward? I might be another level of awkward. This is not a brag. 😅
I don't feel like I'm always friendly and approachable, though, so that's where we differ. I definitely need to work on how to power through that awkwardness so I don't drive people away when they're being friendly.
So don't feel bad, maybe the people looking at you weird are like me, and they're not judging you for being out and about alone, they just have some work to do on their social skills.
Totally the right move to back off in case that was what they wanted you to do, though. It's up to people like me to learn to stop giving "back off" signals when we don't want people to back off. That part is not your responsibility.
Ok I’m going to reframe. See if this fits:
You’re conventionally attractive and have high self esteem. This is great!
You are probably giving off confident vibes. This means that LV scrotes and homosexuals don’t bother approaching you because they know they’ll get shut down. GOOD!
When I go out alone, I sometimes pretend I’m a queen. No queen wants randos approaching her. She will grant access through nods and acknowledgment, to those with whom she wants to interact. It’s a privilege to be a queen, not subjected to the approach of every scrote on the planet.
I’d encourage you to keep your standards high, especially for women friendships. I think meetups are slowing coming back after the pandemic so keep doing things you love and showing up. You’ll eventually meet friends who are HV and can enrich your life.
Not sure you want to be approachable to everyone? It’s actually a curse. Just my $.02
I know how it is to be strong and do so much of life on your own sister 💖🙏 Many women can't fathom doing things like going out to a movie, traveling alone etc. When you qre especially raised in an abusive household all you know is being strong and independent and many people in the world are not that independent since they were showered with love as a child and got to feel safe and secure in the world, and those of us who were abandon or neglected by our families feel alone even among other people. I've struggled with this my whole life. I've even had a man call me intimidating before to my face, but turns out he was just a p*rnsick scrotr trying to use me and said it as a compliment. In general I find myself in this situation too trying to make an effort and people treating me like sh*t just because I made an effort with them. I'd say it's in yours and women's best interests who've been through any abuse in childhood to wait and see if the new potential friend maybe puts in effort first (It won't always work out but worth a try). I hate to say it but as women who were abused as children like in my case it's better to have others prove they'll put in an effort first just to be on the safe side and make sure 100% they're interested in being your friend more than you are even but with boundaries of course (Don't wanna fall for a female narcissist bombarding you with fake bestie vibes the second you meet her cause that's just a predator).