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Hi ladies, I need some insight. I'm in my upper 20s, conventionally attractive, and feel like I have a high enough self esteem, at least to the point where I push myself to go out and do things alone. Well, it's sort of my only choice to do things alone because I don't really have any friends in my area who have the same interests as me. I've tried Meetup, etc. but it's not really active, or people are super flakey and plans never get followed through. I find that I'm always the one to try and put in the effort when it comes to making connections. I can be sitting at a bar alone, and no one talks to me. I feel like I give off awkward vibes and I don't really know why. I try to make friendly conversation, but I feel like people look at me weird for being alone and don't want to talk to me. I don't have social media so it makes me feel like an outcast in today's world, and I'm feeling frustrated because I've been trying for years and I can't seem to make any friends outside of the people I work with.
I don't know if it's me, or just today's society consisting of people who simply don't have social skills anymore. I've been told I intimidate people so maybe it's that? I just feel like I'm always friendly and approachable so I really don't understand.
The reason it's easier to make friends at school or at work is because developing friendships require seeing the same person or people on some sort of regular basis over some length of time (months, years...)
People mostly don't have the option to flake out on work or school. So outside those settings, it does become more of a challenge to see people enough times to get to know them.
LeaveBritneyAlone's advice to join a course is a good one, ideally a course with many sessions. People are less likely to flake on a course they already paid for.
I've also experienced that thing where I try talking to someone I don't know and they look at me like I grew another head. We've all been there. 😆
On the other side of that, I'm sure I've also given other people the impression I don't want to talk to them when what's really happening is that I do want to get to know them, but I'm awkward. You think you're awkward? I might be another level of awkward. This is not a brag. 😅
I don't feel like I'm always friendly and approachable, though, so that's where we differ. I definitely need to work on how to power through that awkwardness so I don't drive people away when they're being friendly.
So don't feel bad, maybe the people looking at you weird are like me, and they're not judging you for being out and about alone, they just have some work to do on their social skills.
Totally the right move to back off in case that was what they wanted you to do, though. It's up to people like me to learn to stop giving "back off" signals when we don't want people to back off. That part is not your responsibility.