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I posted about the qualms of my new place. It's hard to be alone even having basic skills and a lot of creativity, I'm just not physically as strong or able to do handyman type of stuff. I'm tired.
I worked so hard since finding fds. Cutoff low value friends, avoided lvm, vetted using fds strategies, and I ended up staying single and celibate now for 3 ish years. I'm in my early 30s. I moved away from my family and finally bounced back after a health scare. So I upgraded into a better place, despite it being more costly. I saw how awful the housing options are that are more affordable - they are not safe and not clean. They are also in obvious disrepair.
I thought the more costly fancy place with a professional company in the nice neighborhood would be much better. But it still has problems. Everyplace I've lived in or looked at always has issues. Even my friends had issues wherever they lived. Nothing Is ever maintained in any rental! It's a constant nightmare of having to keep calling maintenence.
I had a job I really enjoyed and was promoted at and continued to love. Then all of a sudden my boss started trying to frame me. I took a few days off to get my head together and made reports about her but nothing was getting done so I ended up quitting the job. I didn't want to do that job forever becauseit was "dead end" but it paid my bills and I enjoyed it for majority of the time I was there. I even made more reports after leaving and nothing ever was done. I found out the boss close friend was in charge and helped her cover up everything. Last I heard, she's doing it to other employees.
So I have this new place, and thankfully found new employment but it made money a little tight in the meanwhile. I had to dip into my savings until I was hired and got paychecks again. Then the Lawnmower broke, all this other stuff broke at the house, have to pay each time to call maintenence.... and now my car has issues. Wonderful. Hence why I had to dip into my savings.
The previous job allowed me to meet lots of people and make a few friends. It did leave me tired enough though that I wasn't going out too much, even though I could afford it easier. The times I did go out, I was drained, and wouldn't stay too long. It was getting expensive and felt like a waste. So I felt like I didn't really find my tribe of close friends here. I have 2 good friends that moved away though that I keep in touch with, we have great and uplifting chats. I did meet a lot of scrotes along the way between work and the times I did hangout with coworkers/friends after my shifts.
The thing is most men are not attractive here. Even the in shape ones always look like they just rolled out of bed or finished a workout and didn't shower.
I have a hobby I do in person, and it's mostly other women there, but there are guys and they are negative value. They hang around there for the sole reason of ogling at the women - if "begging for a crumb of pussy" applied anywhere it most definitely needs to be right here. That's for those scrotes that invade the space where I go to do the hobby and they ogle.
I'm gonna be in a base pay for next 2 months of this job and then I'll get a raise and make decent money again.
I don't bother at all with men. I've lost hope. I just mind my own business, my job, I stay active, I cook, and do my hobbies. I call my grandma and 2 friends at least once a week. I pray, it helps bring me peace. I watch some nostalgic YouTube clips to make me laugh here and there. I got back into writing and started my spring time garden. Life is busy and stressful a lot as it is - I don't realistically see myself finding anyone. It doesn't quite matter.
The 50 million things around the house, the lawnmower, the car all happening around the same time after the job loss and big move have me strapped for money and overwhelmed. I know I wanted to save up more, buy the landlord was selling my other place and you can only save up so much so fast. Things have me down and almost seeing why some pickmes settle. It sure would be nice to have someone to help me with all this. I can't even reach the top shelves of my cabinets so I don't use them lol. I don't want to settle but in my low moments I feel the temptation and the burnout. Looking around at all those beer bellies, receding hairline, and stinky greasy clothes though and it's depressing not to mention it's "free birth control". I look at myself in the mirror and pretty much still look the same. I was so used to being alone and I was happy being alone but it's just really hard when everything goes wrong, even when you're financially sound. Society makes things so unnecessarily hard to be a single woman today. I worked so hard to get here, and I'm extremely disillusioned. There's 2 options ahead: settle OR struggle though this hell scape of being alone. I won't settle so i guess I just have to start getting used to the constant issues, repairmen coming over, and the extra costs. This isn't empowering.
I don't know anymore. Maybe it's time to leave the city. I'm so tempted to throw it all away, move back in with my parents, and switch careers to teaching. Maybe I stay where I'm at and look for a roomate again and then we can share the burdens, maybe they're handy or have more patience to deal with maintenence people than me. It's just rough alone. 😕 I just need a hug.
I dunno, living with men generally leads to more work, especially if you're just going to settle with any man, no? I'd rather things be hard because I'm all alone than because someone is around but chooses to be a lazy bum.
I get it because humans aren't really supposed to be alone anyway, but I'm not sure why women, even here on FDS, jump to the conclusion that they should just settle for a guy to make life "easier" when 99% of our life experiences confirm men are generally useless, even for traditionally "masculine" tasks.
Why not find other women to live with or befriend neighbors? You mentioned maybe going back to a roommate situation. That makes more sense, right? I live in what my friends call a "Grey's Anatomy house"-- it's me, my child and a few friends and one sister that live here and a rotating group of visitors. We live in an expensive area but costs for us are low because of the shared responsibility. Only one of us is "mechanically" inclined but having other people around helps to figure out the best way to fix something or to share household chores. You probably don't need a full house of people (for me it works because taking care of a toddler is too much for one or even two people) but having at least one other woman around would probably make life easier.
Or if you're serious about moving out of the city, I've found that rural areas tend to have strong community ties. When I lived in a rural area, it seems half the neighborhood was always coming by to see how I was or ask if I needed anything.
I feel this so much and made a very similar post here a while ago
https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/ask-fds-public/i-miss-a-helping-hand-more-than-i-miss-a-romantic-or-sexual-partner-does-anyone-else-feel-this-way
It so tough to do and manage things all alone in a society that is designed for couples, males and people who live with a supportive family. And still people constantly gaslight you and pretend you have a super easy life and tell you to stop whining (and be glad you don't have a scrote and baby on top of that and maybe get a maid or handyman) when a) not everyone can afford that and b) that's a temporary bandaid at best, not a solution to the problem that society is not designed for us on purpose. Society doesn't want single women who live alone to have an easy, convenient life.
I can only repeat the last sentence of my own post: I’m not lonely (yay friends and family) or sexually frustrated (yay toys and a vivid imagination) or bored (yay work, hobbies, chores, volunteering…), I’m tired.
I’m sorry this is happening. You’re going through a rough patch for sure! Sending you a virtual ((((hug)))) ❤️🩹
You’re doing all the right things - bravo! But yes, life can be very tough. And even when it’s easier, something always pops up.
As to settling for a man to help with maintenance, a caution: most men these days are useless with maintenance. They can’t even change a lighbulb. And even if he’s good at it, you’ll have to nag and beg him to do the things YOU need done.
My experience with handy-men is that they wanna do the stuff THEY wanna do, and it’s never the stuff you want done. And they spend a ton of money on useless tools (not practical ones) and leave their greasy, filthy things everywhere. Some jobs never get finished and you’ll have torn up projects everywhere. I personally prefer hiring handy men - they do the work, leave, and they have to clean up.
Trust me when I say that settling will bring you a boatload of problems - HIS problems, his demands, and the weight of the mental load for a household he doesn’t help manage, one he actively destroys every day.
Maybe watch some YouTube videos and get handy yourself? I love to fix things around the house and I’m getting ready to renovate my new place soon. That is empowering.
Also, maybe it’s time to buy rather than rent? Not sure if it’s affordable for you right now, but there’s something lovely about taking care of your own place, making it better and brighter.
In the meantime, do some self-care; take a hot bath or stay in bed all day with a cup of tea. Things will get better. 💖
4B is better than settling, unless you're fine with the high risk of ending up like a Baby mama.
If you find most of the men gross I’d move around and see where all the hotties are. I am surrounded and drowning in hotties in my city. If you don’t want to do that I’d go for the roommates option and just have a bunch of girls in your home. Homeownership is hard, exhausting, and there’s always something. Settling for just any guy sounds nice but it will just add more stress and work into your life. HVM or nothing, chica.