Hi, any input would be appreciated! I met him online. He is in a neighboring state and has booked a flight and a AirBNB to see me. He has sent me 3 songs. I sent him none. One he sent was just a usual male singing a love song. One was of a woman singing about how she only wants him only, ”not money or cars or diamonds“ and another by a male band who talk about how they don’t have a nice car or money but the woman they want is “Some kind of wonderful”. Is this a sign to move on, should I ask point blank, “Why are you sending me these struggle love songs?“, should I ask if he’s one of these “let’s go 50/50“ guys or should I accept that since I’m in my early 50s (he’s mid 60s) whether I’m considered by other people to be beautiful or not, I should accept this?
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He's full of red flags, drop him. You might as well send him "gold digging" songs 🤣
Sounds like he's trying to simultaneously love-bomb you and manage down your expectations. How can you expect more than a musty cabin Airbnb, babe? Don't you know it's all about romance and loooooooovvvvvveeeee, just like those songs I sent you said? Hang on, let's hit the drive-thru before we get to the rented murder cottage where no one can hear you scream. You don't mind, do you?
Do not date this man. He's either creepy, poor, cheap, or all three. And he should definitely know better at his age. Ew!
At the end of the day it's your choice, but if I was you I would not settle into this relationship with that man. This is what I would do: - research more about the guy. I don't think asking him "point blank" will give you his true answer (as he might adjust his answer to appease you or gaslight you for wanting better) Instead be subtle when you ask him (and pretend to be very open minded) -I'm huge on seeing multiple men at the same time. Your age doesn't matter in this
A man sending me cheesy songs unprompted (and by that I mean if I didn't literally ask him to send me a song before) would be an automatic block and delete from me if he is older than 12. I don't need a mixtape, I'm not a teenager. That also extends to shitty poetry, videos or "art" he made.
What does he expect me to do? Listen to his playlist for hours and fawn? Please.
When I’ve read that he booked an AirBnB I taught by myself: why see him if he even can not buy a hotel room for himself? I actually would have not see him after knowing that. I think you clearly see the red flags by the songs, he just don’t want to invest in you and he is trying to subconsciously manipulate you into accepting less because that is all he has to over. I’m surprised that this is a male in his 60’s. Block him and move along to the next one.
I would ask him what in particular he likes about those songs and why he sent them to you. See how he replies and go from there.
On the one hand, the song choices makes me go "hmm". Someone in his 60s should be over the "all you need is love" pie-in-the-sky mindset. I'm over it and I'm not even 50 yet.
On the other hand, travelling to see you shows some kind of intention (what kind remains to be seen). At least he doesn't just sit around waiting for everything to come to him.
He should be thanking his lucky stars that someone over 10 years younger than him is even giving him the time of day, and don't you forget it.
Sounds like it might be too early to call it, but look out for these things and do not tolerate any of it - if any of this shows up, it's time to kick him to the curb like so much garbage:
- if he tries to pressure you to go to an isolated place with him because he already spent all this money and travelled so far... That would be a resounding "No!" Just because you're not a child anymore doesn't mean that's safe to do.
- if he tries to get any money out of you. You are absolutely not required to accept 50/50. It would actually be relatively more reasonable for teenagers to split their costs then it is for a fully-grown adult man who have had much more time to become financially stable.
- if he tries to make you feel too old for him - you are a bright young thing compared to him!
Ewwww he sounds poor and not generous at all 😭 men that send me media about how women are so superficial and the "real ones" see beyond money are so cringe. Especially at his big age. Smh this man will probably lowball you and put you through it to see if you're worth his money. And I know age gaps aren't a big deal at your age, but him going at a woman that's 10+ years younger is a bit sus. Seems like he's looking for more of a future nurse than a companion.
There are various reasons to like a song -- sometimes it's the beat, the melody, the singer's voice, etc. -- so I wouldn't put 100 percent stock in looking for hidden intentions in sending you songs with those lyrics/themes. HOWEVER, I'd consider it a big red flag that this man, sight-unseen, is booking an AirBnB. Not because of the cost factor (I've stayed in some AirBnBs that are just as expensive as a hotel, so this isn't necessarily a cheap-man move) but because it's sending a message. That says, to me, that he wants physical intimacy on this first meeting. I mean, I guess it's good that he's not asking if he can just stay at your house, but it's still not idea as far as I'm concerned. Hooking up in a rented room on your first in-person meeting -- not HV.
I'm so confused. Judging from the comments, I guess I have a completely different perception of AirBnBs?? The only one I have direct experience with is one I stayed in (with family members) that was a finished basement in a suburban house near a big metropolitan area. We all chipped in and it was pretty much a three-bedroom apartment, with separate entrance, for roughly the same price as a decent hotel. I guess there are also some at the other end of the spectrum -- I just looked again, and found one that was literally a sofa in the living room, nothing separating it from the rest of the people in the apartment -- which, I mean, yikes and no thank you. Is that more the norm? If so, then yeah, I wouldn't be impressed at his choice of lodging!